Are you a backslider?

I was a backslider. Definitely. I wouldn't say it was one big event, but it was a gradual slope, turned into a roller coaster ride (and I don't like roller coasters, so I can't say it was that much fun). Below is from a daily devotional that I read... well, daily. Written by C.H. Spurgeon.



"Renew a steadfast spirit within me." - Psalm 51:10


"A backslider, if there is a spark of life left in him, will groan after restoration. In this renewal the same exercise of grace is required as at our conversion. We needed repentance then; we certainly need it now. We wanted faith that we might come to Christ at first; only the same grace can bring us to Jesus now. We wanted a word from the Most High, a word from the lip of the loving One, to end our fears then; we shall soon discover, when under a sense of present sin, that we need it now. No one can be renewed without a manifestation of the Holy Spirit's energy that is as real and true as at the first renewal because the work is as great, and flesh and blood are just as present now as they ever were. Let your personal weakness, O Christian, be an argument to make you pray earnestly to your God for help. Remember, David didn't fold his arms or close his lips when he felt himself to be powerless; instead, he hastened to the mercy seat with "renew a steadfast spirit within me." Don't let the doctrine that you can do nothing unaided make you sleep; but let it be a goad in your side to drive you with great earnestness to Israel's strong Helper. O that you may have grace to plead with God, as though you pleaded for your very life - "Lord, renew a steadfast spirit within me." Those who sincerely pray to God to do this, will prove their honesty by using the means through which God works. Pray often; live upon the Word of God often; kill lusts which have driven your Lord from you; be careful to watch over future uprisings of sin. The Lord has His own appointed ways; sit by the wayside and you will be ready when He passes by. Continue in all those blessed ordinances which will foster and nourish your dying graces; and, knowing that all the power must proceed from Him, never stop saying, "Renew a steadfast spirit within me."



Morning and Evening, Charles H. Spurgeon, Hendrickson Publishers.



I will say that I read this AFTER I had decided to 'renew my spirit.' I did a lot of what Spurgeon listed towards the end of the devotional. Most importantly I prayed. I prayed, for change in myself. I prayed to God that I could finally see where I had gone wrong. Things that were both in and out of my control definitely took my focus away. I prayed to God to help me with this. To be close to Him again. To go back to how I used to be. I prayed for help to give everything up to Him. I prayed for Christian friends. I prayed for a place to fellowship.

And you know what? It's all coming true. It's unfolding slowly. Except this time it's hasn't been a roller coaster ride (although you never know...).

It has been beautiful.


Psalm 51 (King James Version)

1Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
3For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
4Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
5Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
9Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
13Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
15O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
16For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
18Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
19Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.