Pink Snow and Red Wine

So, it was a crisp 34 degress and I walked to work in the snow this morning. Let me tell you, I could have come into work a little late, but I really wanted to walk in the SNOW! I mean really, how often does an Arkansas girl get to do that? I think I've seen REAL snow less than 10 times in my life. So I definitely walked to work this morning. It was great feeling the crunch of snow under my feet and sinking into the snow drifts. To see the snow covered ground and trees. It was really great to see nature differently than I am used to. I absolutely loved it.


I was almost to work, thinking about how great my little walk was, and how much I can take it for granted. How I really need to look around more, appreciate the things around me. Then it hit me. Tomorrow, February 15 will be the 5th anniversary of my cousins death. Of how he was taken away from us so quickly, so violently, so unfairly. He had just turned 20. Yeah, I really need to look around more.


So, outside my building there was PINK SNOW! Now, I'm guessing this is colored salt, so you can see where the salt is, to avoid it. I began to think that if I were a little girl, I might have actually believed that pink snow could be made in the clouds. Its so amazing what you can believe as a child. Sometimes I miss that.


Well, my Valentine's day went by without incident. I had planned an exciting evening of doing my laundry, baking banana nut bread, and watching Lost. I ended up hanging out with two roommates, drinking red wine, watching 'The Way We Were,' and baking banana nut bread with chocolate chips. AND I finished my laundry. It turned out to be a blast! Every time the orchestra would build up to 'Memories,' we would just belt it out. Oh yeah, and I still watched Lost. Good times.


C.S. Lewis once said (and I'm paraphrasing), 'I never knew how grief could feel so much like fear.' Being reminded of my cousins death (well, I'm often reminded of it) just made me want to appreciate life even more, especially the little things, like hanging out with good friends and watching K-K-K-Katie and Hubble struggle through that strange thing called love. I definitely think that grief can make you fear losing what you have...Life. And I should really try hard not to take if for granted.

Bitter Pill

Tame me? Did you really think you could tame me.

Mold me into some bullshit fantasy-fulfillment for you? Well guess what. It ain't gonna happen.

But I guess you knew that already. How could you not have? I've become a challenge you can't win, and just like a sore loser, you slink away.

Poor you. Didn't get your way this time, did you? Well, I for one am not worried about it. I'm sure you'll find a lovely replacement,

one that you can smoosh down into

whatever it is you want.

Poor you? More like poor her.

The Airing of Grievances

* I absolutely can't stand my poor judge of character. It's only AFTER someone disregards my feelings that I realize what a selfish shit they are. I really need to open my eyes.

* I can't stand it that what I want out of life doesn't match with what I pursue. I've always beend told that I'm too picky, but I think I'm picky about the wrong things.

* I can't stand people who expect things to be handed to them, without having to work for it. And when I don't do what they wan't, there is something wrong with me.

* I can't stand the sheer amount of fake conversations I've had this past year. I'm ready to talk about something real, are you?

* I hate it that guys complain about what women want out of them, and completely disregard the fact that they expect just as much out of us.

* I'm ready for something more out of life. I'm tired of this selfish, singular existance.

* I hate that there were some great guys in my past that I just let slip by. What might have been... oh well.

* I hate when I second guess myself (see above).

* I hate when people underestimate me. And when I don't meet their expectation of... whatever, I'm not worth their time anymore. It's utterly amazing how intimidating a smart woman can be.

There are times when I just want to be alone, dang it. It doesn't mean I'm depressed, or mad, or anything else. I have the ability to just exist without the stimulation of others, and there are times when I enjoy that immensly.

Now let's do the feats of strength, shall we. SERENITY NOW!