I swear, the thoughts I have while taking walks.
Actually, I was walking to work, but still....
"Can you justify the validity of your existence?" Let me tell you, that one seemed to come out of nowhere. Of course, I am reading C.L. Lewis right now, so...
Because really, this is a ridiculous statement, when you consider that everyone's existence is valid. By the simple act of existing, taking in oxygen, all people are valid. I even looked the word up, valid, on dictionary.com, to make sure I was using it right. I found 'having a legitimate basis,' and 'appropriate to the end in view,' both of which serve my purpose well enough.
So, I was thinking yesterday (on the walk home, hmmm, maybe that is where it came from, too), is what I'm doing really worth it? Is what I'm doing with my life really making me happy? Because your existence takes into account what you do, who you are. So, is my working a job that isn't that fulfilling, living in a city far from the ones I love the most- are these things really VALID in the scheme of things? Is there a legitimate basis for the way I'm living my life? What I'm doing with it? Where I'm living it? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not planning on moving to one of those 'hippy communes' in Northwest Arkansas (although at times it's tempting - community grape stomping, anyone?).
And I guess another thing I was thinking about are some types of people. You know, the selfish types. The one's who really don't give a flip about the people around them, unless those people can give them something. I had a conversation the other day with a friend about cheating. I kinda got heated, saying that only a truly selfish person would do that, one who doesn't care about their partner. So, in my own mind (so, on the outside looking in), how do people like that validify their existence? Is there a legitimate basis for that behavior? I don't see one. Of course, I'm sure they could come up with something to justify it. (and no, as far as I know, I've only been cheated on once, and I really didn't like the guy, so this isn't a 'woman scorned' thing).
I don't know where I'm trying to go with this, except that maybe I need to get my butt into gear... figure some things out. Because right now, I feel as though I'm just drifting. And for someone who can be a bit of a control-freak, well... that's not fun!
So, I have a question for you. If you could do anything you want, and I mean ANYTHING, what would it be? I'm talking about how you would live your life. There are no restrictions, money is no object. Jobs aren't needed. What would you do? What kind of person would you be?
Friday, July 20, 2007
Miracles~CSL
I have picked up Miracles again (by C.S. Lewis). Love it love it love it. Just wanted to type in an excerpt from Chapter 12, The Propriety of Miracles:
"For those who can suppose that God's external act, seen from within, would be that same complexity of mathematical relations which Nature, scientifically studied, reveals? It is like thinking that a poet builds up his line out of those metrical feet into which we can analyse it, or that living speech takes grammar as its starting point. But the best illustration of all is Bergson's. Let us suppose a race of people whose peculiar mental limitation compels them to regard a painting as something made up of little coloured dots which have been put together like a mosaic. Studying the brushwork of a great painting, through their magnifying glasses, they discovery more and more complicated relations between the dots, and sort these relations out, with great toil into certain regularities. Their labour will not be in vain. These regularities will in fact 'work'; they will cover most of the facts. But if they go on to conclude that any departure from them would be unworthy of the painter, and an arbitrary breaking of his own rules, they will be far astray. For the regularities they have observed never were the rule the painter was following. What they painfully reconstruct from a million dots, arranged in an agonising complexity, he really produced with a single lightning-quick turn of the wrist, his eye meanwhile taking in the canvas as a whole and his mind obeying laws of composition which the observers, counting their dots, have not yet come within sight of, and perhaps never will. I do not say that the normalities of Nature are unreal. The living foundation of divine energy, solidified for purposes of this spatio-temporal Nature into bodies moving in space and time, and thence, by our abstract thought, turned into mathematical formulae, does in fact for us, commonly fall into such and such patterns. In finding out these patterns we are therefore gaining real, and often useful, knowledge. But to think that a disturbance* of them would constitute a breach of the living rule and organic unity whereby God, from His own point of view, works, is a mistake. If miracles do occur then we may be sure that not to have wrought them would be the real inconsistency."
If you can't tell already, Lewis is thinking out the process of miracles. Before this chapter, he goes through different arguments, natural vs. supernatural... something to really read on your own... something I will probably have to read again to get more of a grasp. Whew. I'm now on page 173, have 121 pages to go!
*by disturbance, he means an intrusion into nature, a 'breaking' of natural law as we know it.
I have picked up Miracles again (by C.S. Lewis). Love it love it love it. Just wanted to type in an excerpt from Chapter 12, The Propriety of Miracles:
"For those who can suppose that God's external act, seen from within, would be that same complexity of mathematical relations which Nature, scientifically studied, reveals? It is like thinking that a poet builds up his line out of those metrical feet into which we can analyse it, or that living speech takes grammar as its starting point. But the best illustration of all is Bergson's. Let us suppose a race of people whose peculiar mental limitation compels them to regard a painting as something made up of little coloured dots which have been put together like a mosaic. Studying the brushwork of a great painting, through their magnifying glasses, they discovery more and more complicated relations between the dots, and sort these relations out, with great toil into certain regularities. Their labour will not be in vain. These regularities will in fact 'work'; they will cover most of the facts. But if they go on to conclude that any departure from them would be unworthy of the painter, and an arbitrary breaking of his own rules, they will be far astray. For the regularities they have observed never were the rule the painter was following. What they painfully reconstruct from a million dots, arranged in an agonising complexity, he really produced with a single lightning-quick turn of the wrist, his eye meanwhile taking in the canvas as a whole and his mind obeying laws of composition which the observers, counting their dots, have not yet come within sight of, and perhaps never will. I do not say that the normalities of Nature are unreal. The living foundation of divine energy, solidified for purposes of this spatio-temporal Nature into bodies moving in space and time, and thence, by our abstract thought, turned into mathematical formulae, does in fact for us, commonly fall into such and such patterns. In finding out these patterns we are therefore gaining real, and often useful, knowledge. But to think that a disturbance* of them would constitute a breach of the living rule and organic unity whereby God, from His own point of view, works, is a mistake. If miracles do occur then we may be sure that not to have wrought them would be the real inconsistency."
If you can't tell already, Lewis is thinking out the process of miracles. Before this chapter, he goes through different arguments, natural vs. supernatural... something to really read on your own... something I will probably have to read again to get more of a grasp. Whew. I'm now on page 173, have 121 pages to go!
*by disturbance, he means an intrusion into nature, a 'breaking' of natural law as we know it.
Monday, July 09, 2007
SOS Syndrome
Where I live in DC is an extremely convenient location. I walk to work, to the grocery store, CVS. There are tons of museums within 2 miles of my front door. And if need be, the closest metro stop is a mere half block away. I can get to plenty of restaurants and even my doctor that way.
However, there do come times when I need to go places that aren't metro accessible, or within walking distance. Georgetown being the main place that is difficult to get to. This is when cabs come in mighty handy.
Tonight I went to a Team In Training happy hour. It was at a place called Rosemary's Thyme Bistro. Close to Dupont Circle metro stop, but I didn't want to walk very far in the 97 degree heat (intolerable as put by the local news weather team).
*One of the things I use to justify taking cabs (instead of the bus for example) is that I don't have a car, so I don't pay for gas, insurance, car payment, etc.... so if I have to spend $20 in one nights... so be it. I don't do it very often, so I don't mind spending the money*
We had a good happy hour, a good turn out. Then it was time for me to leave. I got outside and caught a cab who had just filled up at the gas station across the street.
Now, the thing about me and riding in cabs is this; sometimes I'm in the mood to talk, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I can't understand what they're saying, so it doesn't matter anyway. Also, I find that it is a crap shoot, as far as how the ride will go. It can be a nice, clean cab, or kinda stinky. The A/C may be out. They can drive so crazy that I get car sick. The list could go on and on.
Tonight, a gentleman by the name of Leslie drove me home. Born in 1939, he has lived his whole life in DC. We were going along, small talking, 'is it hot enough for you,' is how he started the conversation. All of a sudden, a big Chrysler SUV started cutting people off in traffice, driving erratically. I said something like 'Geez!' Leslie said, 'they think they can drive that way, because of their big Chrysler.' He then proceeds to tell me that whe he first became a cab drive, he would have bad headaches everyday. Tylenol wouldn't help, but Excedrin did. He even got smart and starting taking Excedrin BEFORE the headache would come on. However, he began to wonder why he had these headaches in the first place. He finally realized it was because when another driver was being rude, he would just internalize their negativity (his words). He wouldn't say anything to let off the steam (my words). Then he realized, those guys were going home and sleeping at night, not even thinking of the things that had affected him, and he couldn't sleep because of his headaches and thinking about those rude drivers.
His solution was to look at people like that as having SOS Syndrome. Or, Stuck On Stupid Syndrome. He then was able to not let their negativity affect him anymore. No more headaches or sleepless nights for Leslie!
The rest of my ride home, he told me about angry drivers who would cuss him out, or even follow him. He told me a pretty good story about evading someone. He then told me about how he's had people of his own race threaten him (or course, leaving out the language that isn't suitable for a young lady). 'What the _____ are you looking at _____. I might have blown you away.' Sometimes just because they knew he was a cab driver. Once just because he was watching an attractive woman cross the street, and happened to have glanced at someone who didn't like him looking at him (he assured me that his wife of 30 years is the love of his life- the only one for him, but that if he sees an attractive women, he's gonna look!).
By the time he got to my house, he was still telling me stories, then explained to me why some cab drivers will refuse to drive places. That is against the law and they can be fined $250, just write down their name and licence number (which is displayed). This came up, because he told me about how he picked up a young lady, and when she got in the cab, she started crying. She had just been kicked out of another cab, because he didn't want to take her home, saying she lived in a dangerous area (he told me where she lived, not dangerous at all!). Leslie said he has a wife, daughters, grandaughters and a sister, and that you should watch out for young ladies. He then told me to have a great night, a great life, to keep on smiling, and to keep my sense of humor.
What a sweet man, and what a great experience. I will never forget him or the SOS Syndrome. Will definitely think of that when I ever start to let someone get me down. In a city where conversations tend to lean to the fake side, it was surprising to have that experience in a cab! You just never know when you be be taught a life lesson in such a way. Be on the look out for those times!
However, there do come times when I need to go places that aren't metro accessible, or within walking distance. Georgetown being the main place that is difficult to get to. This is when cabs come in mighty handy.
Tonight I went to a Team In Training happy hour. It was at a place called Rosemary's Thyme Bistro. Close to Dupont Circle metro stop, but I didn't want to walk very far in the 97 degree heat (intolerable as put by the local news weather team).
*One of the things I use to justify taking cabs (instead of the bus for example) is that I don't have a car, so I don't pay for gas, insurance, car payment, etc.... so if I have to spend $20 in one nights... so be it. I don't do it very often, so I don't mind spending the money*
We had a good happy hour, a good turn out. Then it was time for me to leave. I got outside and caught a cab who had just filled up at the gas station across the street.
Now, the thing about me and riding in cabs is this; sometimes I'm in the mood to talk, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I can't understand what they're saying, so it doesn't matter anyway. Also, I find that it is a crap shoot, as far as how the ride will go. It can be a nice, clean cab, or kinda stinky. The A/C may be out. They can drive so crazy that I get car sick. The list could go on and on.
Tonight, a gentleman by the name of Leslie drove me home. Born in 1939, he has lived his whole life in DC. We were going along, small talking, 'is it hot enough for you,' is how he started the conversation. All of a sudden, a big Chrysler SUV started cutting people off in traffice, driving erratically. I said something like 'Geez!' Leslie said, 'they think they can drive that way, because of their big Chrysler.' He then proceeds to tell me that whe he first became a cab drive, he would have bad headaches everyday. Tylenol wouldn't help, but Excedrin did. He even got smart and starting taking Excedrin BEFORE the headache would come on. However, he began to wonder why he had these headaches in the first place. He finally realized it was because when another driver was being rude, he would just internalize their negativity (his words). He wouldn't say anything to let off the steam (my words). Then he realized, those guys were going home and sleeping at night, not even thinking of the things that had affected him, and he couldn't sleep because of his headaches and thinking about those rude drivers.
His solution was to look at people like that as having SOS Syndrome. Or, Stuck On Stupid Syndrome. He then was able to not let their negativity affect him anymore. No more headaches or sleepless nights for Leslie!
The rest of my ride home, he told me about angry drivers who would cuss him out, or even follow him. He told me a pretty good story about evading someone. He then told me about how he's had people of his own race threaten him (or course, leaving out the language that isn't suitable for a young lady). 'What the _____ are you looking at _____. I might have blown you away.' Sometimes just because they knew he was a cab driver. Once just because he was watching an attractive woman cross the street, and happened to have glanced at someone who didn't like him looking at him (he assured me that his wife of 30 years is the love of his life- the only one for him, but that if he sees an attractive women, he's gonna look!).
By the time he got to my house, he was still telling me stories, then explained to me why some cab drivers will refuse to drive places. That is against the law and they can be fined $250, just write down their name and licence number (which is displayed). This came up, because he told me about how he picked up a young lady, and when she got in the cab, she started crying. She had just been kicked out of another cab, because he didn't want to take her home, saying she lived in a dangerous area (he told me where she lived, not dangerous at all!). Leslie said he has a wife, daughters, grandaughters and a sister, and that you should watch out for young ladies. He then told me to have a great night, a great life, to keep on smiling, and to keep my sense of humor.
What a sweet man, and what a great experience. I will never forget him or the SOS Syndrome. Will definitely think of that when I ever start to let someone get me down. In a city where conversations tend to lean to the fake side, it was surprising to have that experience in a cab! You just never know when you be be taught a life lesson in such a way. Be on the look out for those times!
30 FLIRTY AND THRIVING
Okay, so I've been 30 for almost 6 months now. I've gotta say, it has been fantastic. And no, there is no sarcasm there. I don't know if it's the getting-older-out-of-my-twenties---Thank God!---please let-the-uncertainties-cease feeling or what, but I feel as though I'm becoming more comfortable in my skin. I want to challenge myself more (hence the marathon, I guess), and really figure out how it is that I will live my life. Who is it I really want to be. I think I may have touched on this before in a blog, not sure. It just feels like it's slowly revealing itself to me, and every new little or big discovery / self-realization I make... just fills me with a kind of peace.
So yeah, that my no have anything to do with turning 30, per se. But it sure is making me LIKE being 30!
So yeah, that my no have anything to do with turning 30, per se. But it sure is making me LIKE being 30!
Maybe you could walk with me awhile / Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Maybe you could walk with me awhile / Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
That is from a Dierks Bentley song, 'Long Trip Alone.' I REALLLLY like that song. Makes me think of wanting to be in a relationship, of having a companion to spend time with, whose smile can put me at ease…
For the majority of my thirty years on this earth, I have been single. I have never been a serial dater, and could never understand people who hopped from relationship to relationship. Those people who say 'I've haven't been single since I was 16…' Yeah, I don't get that so much.
It just seems like I'm getting to the point in my life where I really want to find that 'certain someone.' Because it's not fun being alone all the time. And by alone I mean without the person who I could possibly spend the rest of my life with. Because I feel like I haven't even come close, and that maybe I'm not even capable of having 'that.'
Okay, that was a silly statement, because I guess everyone is 'capable' of it. It's just, for me, it seems a little bit impossible sometimes.
So, back to the song, it really is a long trip alone. And I don't want to do it by myself anymore. Life can be hard enough, family and friends are great for support, but to just have… more with someone. Just that extra… something… I can't wait to find it.
UPDATE: If you want to hear the song, just look over at my playlist. Fast forward if you need to!
That is from a Dierks Bentley song, 'Long Trip Alone.' I REALLLLY like that song. Makes me think of wanting to be in a relationship, of having a companion to spend time with, whose smile can put me at ease…
For the majority of my thirty years on this earth, I have been single. I have never been a serial dater, and could never understand people who hopped from relationship to relationship. Those people who say 'I've haven't been single since I was 16…' Yeah, I don't get that so much.
It just seems like I'm getting to the point in my life where I really want to find that 'certain someone.' Because it's not fun being alone all the time. And by alone I mean without the person who I could possibly spend the rest of my life with. Because I feel like I haven't even come close, and that maybe I'm not even capable of having 'that.'
Okay, that was a silly statement, because I guess everyone is 'capable' of it. It's just, for me, it seems a little bit impossible sometimes.
So, back to the song, it really is a long trip alone. And I don't want to do it by myself anymore. Life can be hard enough, family and friends are great for support, but to just have… more with someone. Just that extra… something… I can't wait to find it.
UPDATE: If you want to hear the song, just look over at my playlist. Fast forward if you need to!
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