Interestingly (is that a word?) I've had conversations with two people about how they have been 'played' recently. Both instances are eerily similar, even though the situations are pretty different.
(names have been changed to protect their identity, from the 3 people who read my blog!)
Ex. 1: Ruby was told by a friend (hereafter referred to as Typical) she liked that he liked her. It was awkward for awhile, but then they finally talked about it, even went on a couple of dates. Then all of sudden, out of nowhere, Typical seemingly changed his mind. Did he tell her that he had changed his mind? Nope, he just decided to break a date, then be awkward all over again.
Now here is the question. Why couldn't Typical just tell her, 'hey, I've changed my mind, let's just be friends.' He has seriously made her lose her belief that any man is worth being with.
(now there is where I attempt to dive into his mind..)
Maybe Typical doesn't know what he wants from/with her or anybody. Maybe he doesn't care. Quite possibly he just enjoyed the attention. After all she's funny, successful, and smart. Well, maybe he was just intimidated.. could possibly be that. Ruby has an amazing job, which would be seen as 'above' his job (even though I promise you, she doesn't care about that).
Ugh, on to...
Ex. 2: Lori was hanging out with friends, and there was a new person (hereafter referred to as NKOTB) to the group. Mutual friends told her that NKOTB liked her. Lori wants to give NKOTB a chance, but is tired of having to pursue. She wants to be pursued. NKOTB acted interested around Lori, flirty text messages were flying everywhere. But NKOTB kinda seemed interested in Lori's friend at the same time. Lori, being the kind of person that everyone likes (seriously, she is hilarious and kind), isn't too worried about it, but is ANNOYED! Why does this keep happening!?!
(here we go again..)
Maybe NKOTB just doesn't know why in the world to like ANYBODY. 'Hey, that person is nice, think I'll like her for a minute, but then LOOK, that other person is nice, too! Think I'll like both of them, and just play this game, see who comes to me first.' Cleverly placed (yeah right) MySpace comments ensue. Lori's friend doesn't like these games, either, so NKOTB seems to be out of luck in this situation.
So, here is my segway into 'Kissing Dating Goodbye.' Did you like it? Very clever, I know...
I read the book 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye,' by Joshua Harris a few weeks ago. I had found it on my church's website (or was possibly led to another website, not sure), it had suggestions for books by different categories. The 'Single' category only had 2 books. 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' and 'Boy Meets Girl,' both by Joshua Harris. At first I was skeptical, I've never been much of a dater, so in a sense, I've never kissed dating HELLO. But I went ahead and ordered it from Amazon.
Oh how I loved this book. Some of my friends (church friends at that) asked me why in the world I would read it. It's for high school kids! Well, I'll tell ya right now, it most certainly is not! Now there are the 'let your parents be part of this relationship' and 'the guy has to ask the dad of the girl he wants to court's permission,' parts; which yes, seem old fashioned - and also not very practical once you leave your hometown. But my question is; why not have your parents involved? As people who most likely know you best in this world (even if you think they don't, believe me, they are paying attention), would it be so wrong to utilyze them in a situation such as 'dating, or courting?' If you don't trust your parents to fulfill this role, a strong Christian couple would work, too. (I want to make clear that the book wants to change the definition of dating, as in not using the 'worldly' usage of dating, so he just changed the name to 'courtship.' I guess you could call it what you like, my church calls it 'Biblical dating').
Anyway, I feel as though I'm getting off track, and I apologize. Harris' best points (at least for me) were that the problem with the world's view of dating are that expectations aren't discussed or even realized. Using my examples from above, both of my friends want to get married and have children. However, in today's worldly definition of dating, that is never to be brought up! That would be the absolute first thing to drive someone away (in most cases, not all). So, two people can go on dating for months or even years and never know the other's expectations. I hesitate to use the term 'wasted time,' because I think you can learn from just about any situation. But wouldn't it be better if a girl who wants to get married and have kids would be able to know that - from the start - the guy felt the same way? It would save a lot of heartache, that's for sure!
And then we get to why people want to date in the first place. Let's say you hear that someone likes you. How does that make you feel? For me, I get extremely uncomfortable, mainly because these guys don't know me at all. Now how can someone like me, if they don't really know me. And I know what some of you will say, 'that's what dating is for!' But if I were to go with the world's definition of dating, then the following would occur:
-I would go on a first date, where we would talk about our likes and dislikes, about our pasts, our families, our friends our jobs, whatever.
-If we got long, more dates would ensue, and emotional intimacy would be felt, even assumed by both parties.
-Let's not even get into physical intimacy, I think we all know how that can occur!
-Either a break up would occur, leaving me broken-hearted, jaded, or whatever. Or I would marry the guy, in which case another question comes up...
WHY DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE???
I hate to admit that I go through periods of feeling sorry for myself. Why oh why haven't I met the man of my dreams? Why oh why must I sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else have these 'great' relationships, get married, have kids... why why why why why?
I was having one of those episodes a few weeks ago (before I read the book), and then I stopped myself. I asked myself, 'what is your motivation for wanting to get married, Mandi?' Is it because I'm lonely (which I shouldn't be, God is always with me)? Am I jealous of my friends (oops, there I go again, coveting)? Or am I wanting to get married so that my life and marriage can glorify God?
Well duh! Hadn't I just redevoted my life to God? Haven't I asked Him how I can glorify Him, through word or deed? Then, when it comes to the biggest decisions of my life (and yes, I believe that marriage is for life), shouldn't God be the first place I look? That whenever I get married, that relationship should glorify God even more than I could ever do on my own???
Duh duh duh.
So here goes another step on my journey. I will no longer be dating. Not in the sense that everybody means it. I will be serving the Lord. And when He sees fit, He will bring a man into my life who will see that I love God above all. If that man feels moved to, he will pursue me. And, if God wills it, that man will want to marry me. And I will want to marry Him. All for the glory of God. Not so we won't be lonely. Not because we feel it's time to settle down. Not so we can have kids. Just for HIM.
By using the Bible to live every aspect of my life, even with dating/courting/whatever-name-you-want-to-give-it, God will bless me more than if I think I could while attempting this alone. That's the great thing about having God in your life. You never have to do anything alone again. Even if you are 'single.'
Dear Lord - I cast all my cares on you. Especially the biggest one; how is it that I can best glorify YOU. I will attempt to have a servant's heart at all times. I submit to your Supremacy in my life. I pray for your help with my purity. I pray for my single brother's and sister's who are struggling. I pray that Your will be done. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
14For this reason I kneel before the Father,
15from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.
16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,
17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,
18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,
19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,
21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:14-21 (NIV)
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