Quiet Time : Romantic~Forgiveness

(from yesterday's Quiet Time)

Song of Solomon, Chapters 4-6, Honeymoon and Newlyweds

Here are the basic thoughts I had about these chapters:

The honeymoon starts with the husband praising his wife's beauty. Shortly after, she rebuffs him for some reason or other, panics, drama ensues by way of a dream, then they make up. He forgives her, and uses the same praises that he did during the honeymoon to describe her.

I have never been married, but I think I can see where a marriage might turn sour. Reality sets in, there are misunderstandings, and one or both party wants out. The lesson to be learned here (I think), is that the person you marry may seem to change from who(m?) you fell in love with, but as long as you can forgive that person, and remember why you fell in love with them in the first place, then any problem can be overcome. It is beneficial when both parties are Christians, hence the argument to be similarly yoked* (II Corinthians 6:14), because when one has deep knowledge of how much s/he has been forgiven through Christ, it is much easier to forgive others (Matthew 6:14, Matthew 18:21-22). It's important to note that the bride does feel bad for rebuffing her husband, and therefore exhibits a contrite heart. So both parties are intimately involved in this (in a way as a single woman, I just can't comprehend, but can certainly practice when faced with conflict!).

* I've noticed when the term 'yoke' comes into play in the Bible, it's usually depicted as a heavy burden, or sin. Brings to mind a picture of two sinners burdened by their sinful ways, together. Not so romantic, huh? Makes me think of the book, When Sinners Say "I Do" which I haven't read, but the title says it all.

Also, another thought I had while reading these chapters - of all the people to take marital counsel from... Solomon!? At the writing of this poem, he had 140 wives! (Song of Solomon 6:8), and later had at least 1000 wives and concubines (I Kings 11:3). I think this just goes to show how the Bible uses unexpected people as sources of wisdom. Yes, God uses sinners to teach us in the Bible, He has to, because we all have sinned and fallen short! (Romans 3:23). So you see, He really has no alternative in the matter.

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I gotta admit, I was tempted to read my ESV Study Bible's notes on this, and I may still - the imagery is just wild!

a worm and a lesson

So, today I read the following post on Between Two Worlds; David Sunday: Sermons on Hell. This seemed especially timely (Providential?), because of something I observed yesterday...

As I was walking to work yesterday morning, I noticed a stretch of sidewalk almost covered with dead worms. You know, like when they get tricked into coming out of the ground with rain, then get stuck on concrete, and dry up? (I know, gross).

I noticed a worm that was still alive and struggling. I reached down, picked it up, and threw it in the grass. I had the thought that a lot of people would think that is weird and/or gross. But then I had the thought "I'm willing to pick up a worm and throw it in the grass - to potentially save it's life - yet I'm so very timid in sharing the Gospel - which, if God wills it, can save a fellow human being from eternal damnation!"

Here's just a hint from the post linked above:

"...The imagery of the undying worm and the unquenchable fire derives..."

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Check this out:

Tim Challies, on the importance of accountability, in Escaping Anonymity.

Quiet Time : ahh, the romance

My delightful journey of reading the Bible straight through has come to a most abrupt change in theme. I am now reading Song of Solomon. Ahh the passion, the romance, the sheer imagery..
It's a short book, with short chapters, so this morning I read the courtship (and wedding day) section, chapters 1-3.

One thing I noticed is that Christian women are charged not to awaken love TWICE so far. Verses 2:7 and 3:5. Repetition in the Bible usually means that a point is being made. Anything important can't be said enough. Funny how that verse (either one, they are pretty much the same) came to my mind the other day, while I was thinking about patience -click here to read about it.

Song of Solomon 1:17 (KJV)

Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions?

Ryrie: Though the Shulammite longed to meet Solomon, she did not want to chase him as one that turneth aside (better, like a veiled woman; i.e. like a prostitute).

Song of Solomon 1:8 (KJV)

If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherds' tents.

Ryrie: If you want to know where your lover is, join other shephards in the fields.

If you want to find your (Lord Willing) husband, go to church (or be around fellow Christians)! :)

Song of Solomon 2:3 (KJV)

As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

Ryrie: Just as an apple tree would be uncommon, so was finding Solomon.

Song of Solomon 2:12 (KJV)

The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;

Ryrie: turtle = turtledove. Solomon is inviting the Shulammite outside to enjoy a beautiful spring day. Similarly, God invites His people to share the delights of His company (v. 13).

Song of Solomon 2:13 (KJV)

The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.

(green emphasis mine :) )

at just the right time

Written on 18 April 2009

I was reflecting further on the lyrics to It Is Well:

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate/And hath shed his own blood for my soul.

"Has regarded my helpless estate" really stood out to me, because it's so embodies the truth. Although Christ lived and died on this earth way before I was born, He knew MY sins (the ones that have obviously occurred in the past 32 years) even before time began. In other words, Christ didn't only know the sins that had occurred in/up the time of the cross. He knew all sin. He presently knows all sin (because of the resurrection... He is alive now). And not only did He know of my sin, He knew of all the sin that had happened, and was to come. He felt the full wrath of all that sin on the cross. That is truly amazing.

God isn't bound by time like we are. Unlike us, He has the ability to know what is going to happen before it actually occurs.

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Two days ago (16 April), I read Genesis 2:20-25 with new eyes. When I read that God caused Adam to go into a deep sleep (2:21), I thought - "my husband* is in a deep sleep." Then reading that God made woman (2:22), and brought her to the man, I thought - "God will bring me to my husband. We both must wait on Him."

Yesterday (17 April), a verse from the Song of Solomon came to mind:

Song of Solomon 2:7 (NIV)

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

We as women are not to rush this process, even to the point of trying to "force" God with our impatience. (always remember, you can't force Him!)

I think this all came to mind, because a friend of mine is being pursued by a godly man. When I asked her how I can be praying for her, she simply said for patience. As I've been praying for her, I've been asking that she trust in God's timing. That it may seem as thought it's all about the guy's timing (and in a way it is), but that ultimately it is God's timing. If anything happens, then it will at just the right time.

I'm not sure if that is what she meant, but that is how the prayer turned out. And it's funny, because I turned around and prayed the same for myself! :)

*If it is in God's plan for me to be married, then he is alive and kicking (or sleeping) as I type!

airplane musing ~ moments of clarity

.:this is an attempt at description:.

Two Fridays ago I woke up in a mood. It is a difficult-to-explain-mood, but the only way I could think to describe it was indignant. Who uses that word to describe their mood for the day. I had the specific thought, "I'm going to have an indignant day today." I wasn't even sure if I was using it correctly, but it sure did seem to make sense at the time. And it's not like I have many occassions to use such a word... indignant.

All I could do was pray that God would help me with it, because it was a weird way to feel. And that day turned out to be pretty good, all things considered. But that mood was pervasive; it just wouldn't let up.

It all started to make sense a few days later, when I was greeted with an excruciating migraine. Terrible pain. Incapacitated. But also interesting, because I didn't get too down about it. I didn't cry (too much), and dwell on how awful I felt, how badly my head hurt. I just gave it to God. I told Him that I understand His will, and that it won't last forever. It's odd to type this, but I was peaceful. I had a kind of this-too-shall-pass mentality. (that was a small group prayer request, and I think it was answered!)

Fast forward to the following Thursday. I was headed for the airport, and just couldn't get over the fact that I was still in a weird mood. My roommate drove me to the airport, and it was like I couldn't think of anything to say - and I was annoyed by that.

I arrived at my gate without any real delays, and about the time we were supposed to board, it was announced that there was a mechanical delay, and that it would be 45 minutes until we even had an update. WHAT?!? It really upset me, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it. I just prayed a quick prayer that everything would turn out okay, and that I would get to Arkansas as scheduled. Then not 10 minutes later, they announced we were boarding. (later, my sister-in-law told me that she had my two little nephews pray that the plane wouldn't be delayed, either).

.:it was simply a few days of taking disappointments, and giving them to God - right away, no delay, no over-analyzing - just simply letting go:.

As I waited to board the plane, I had the thought:

How easily I believe the lie that if I'm not blessed in the way that I want to be, then I'm not blessed at all.

While flying into Chicago, the man next to me asked, "is that Lake Michigan"with amazement in his voice. I said yes, it is. The view of it was spectacular; it seems never-ending. As I was flying out of Chicago, I got a beautiful glimpse of the Chicago skyline with the lake behind it, and started to think about expanses. How I don't see views of things like Lake Michigan every day, and how great would it be to SEE EXPANSES MORE OFTEN. To be reminded of the majesty that God created. I don't go outside of a 5-10 block radius most days.

Oh how I wish I could hold on to moments of clarity such as these! God was showing me how big He is. No, how really BIG He is. He is much bigger than any of my thoughts; real or perceived problems... everything. It's funny how head knowledge turns to heart knowledge, and then how heart knowledge becomes deeper knowledge... and on and on and on.

It was on the INDIGNANT DAY that I read Proverbs 31 (NIV). I just couldn't think of anything to write about it. It was really aggravating me. I read three different versions (KJV, NIV, ESV), and just couldn't figure out what my problem was. It's not like I haven't read it before...

I decided to read Proverbs 31 on the plane, and realized why I had such a hard time with it. I coudn't see myself in the Proverbs 31 woman. Even with the comforting note in my ESV Study Bible about Christian women can be dishearted by this; how it is an ideal, and not possible to meet in every way. My mind rested on verse 25:

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

It was then that I realized that God is making me into that woman. THANK YOU.

Two songs that I listened to over and over that day were Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing and Before the Throne of God Above. I was listening to the T4G 2008 music, and crying like a baby! However, one line of lyric from It is Well stuck in my head.

Christ has regarded my helpless estate/and has shed His own blood for my soul

He regards my helpless estate. He knows my helpless estate. He is sovereign over my helpless estate. He died on the cross for my helpless estate. He is amazing.

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Tonight, this verse took on a whole new meaning for me:

I Corinthians 2:9 (NIV)

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"

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I read this on boundless today, and just loved it: Love to Tell.

Excerpt:

"Sometimes, we just don't want to hear about God's love. Sometimes, we don't just want to talk about it. Why do we shy away from this topic?

Perhaps we are afraid of what we'll find: a love that is fuzzy, undiscriminating, and thus meaningless. Or a love that's demanding and impossible to please. Will His pursuit of me will be as conditional, unpredictable and wavering as my love for Him?"

Quiet Time : Much Needed Wisdom

Sorry to all of you readers (Mom!) about my lack of quiet time posts. The good news is that I have been having them regularly! Well, the real Good News is that Jesus Christ died for my sins, so that I might be justified by faith alone, in Christ alone - repent of my sins and believe, and therefore saved from God's ultimate wrath, and have a relationship with Him through His Son, by the help of the Holy Spirit... the way He intended it from the beginning...

Anyway, I have been really good about staying on course. And the interesting thing is when I have missed (like I did one day last week), I've noticed what a difference it makes for me spiritually. How that one day I did struggle more than on those other days that I started off in the Word.

I have been reading Proverbs, and let me just say WHOA! Every single verse has so much... good advice! I have been keeping a list of those that jump out at me, and will share some of them below.

But first I want to share this with you. If you have been reading my blog, you know that I have struggled with waking up in the morning. Last week I actually woke up early enough to go to Theology Breakfast (will explain what that is later), and I went back to sleep! When I got up to get ready for work that morning I was so disappointed in myself. I told myself 'next week, I just have to go, no excuses.'

This past Wednesday night I made sure to go to bed at a decent time, and set my alarm for 6 am. I prayed that God would help me to get up in the morning, because I really didn't want to disappoint myself again. Lo and behold, I got up! Got ready for work and went to Theology Breakfast! And it was so edifying... I got to sit in my pastor's study with other church members, and listen to him read from Martin Luther about Romans 4. And then to hear the thoughtful discussion that came from it was just... great! I mean so great that I can't find adequate words to express it... let's just say it's such a breath of fresh air to hear men speak about theology and doctrine so passionately, so much so that they have made it their life's work.

Afterwards I went home to have my quiet time. I read this:

Proverbs 26:14 (KJV)

14As the door turneth upon his hinges, so doth the slothful upon his bed.

Ryrie Study Bible note: The slothful person is as attached to his bed as a door is to its hinges.

That perfectly described me exactly one week before. It's not pretty, and it's definitely not how I want to be.

Soooooo, on to some verses: :)

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Proverbs 3:11-20 (KJV)

11My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction:
12For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
13Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.
14For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold.
15She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her.
16Length of days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and honour.
17Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.
18She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her: and happy is every one that retaineth her.
19The LORD by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he established the heavens.
20By his knowledge the depths are broken up, and the clouds drop down the dew.

Proverbs 8 (KJV)

22The LORD possessed me in the beginning of his way, before his works of old.
23I was set up from everlasting, from the beginning, or ever the earth was.
24When there were no depths, I was brought forth; when there were no fountains abounding with water.
25Before the mountains were settled, before the hills was I brought forth:
26While as yet he had not made the earth, nor the fields, nor the highest part of the dust of the world.
27When he prepared the heavens, I was there: when he set a compass upon the face of the depth:
28When he established the clouds above: when he strengthened the fountains of the deep:
29When he gave to the sea his decree, that the waters should not pass his commandment: when he appointed the foundations of the earth:
30Then I was by him, as one brought up with him: and I was daily his delight, rejoicing always before him;
31Rejoicing in the habitable part of his earth; and my delights were with the sons of men.

Note: The passage shows wisdom is older than creation and is fundamental to it (v. 23), that it assisted in creation as a master workman (v.30), and that it rejoiced in creation (vv.30-31).

36But he that sinneth against me wrongeth his own soul: all they that hate me love death.

Proverbs 9 (KJV)

7He that reproveth a scorner getteth to himself shame: and he that rebuketh a wicked man getteth himself a blot.

Note: scorner = scoffer. The wicked person will not only not receive criticism but will turn on the one trying to help him. blot. lit., his blemish; i.e., an insult.

10The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.

Proverbs 10 (KJV)

5He that gathereth in summer is a wise son: but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame.

12Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.

21The lips of the righteous feed many: but fools die for want of wisdom.

Proverbs 11:14 (KJV)

14Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.

Proverbs 12:15 (KJV)

15The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.

These two on seeking counsel are terrific! Oh what a difference it has made in my life to have people who I can go to, who I am accountable, who know God's Word and Truth, and can help me to see where I am struggling/sinning/improving! :)

Proverbs 13 (KJV)

12Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.

19The desire accomplished is sweet to the soul: but it is abomination to fools to depart from evil.

Note: Nothing is so sweet as gaining some desired thing, but fools won't leave their evil ways to do that.

Proverbs 14 (KJV)

12There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
13Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth is heaviness.

Proverbs 15 (KJV)

13A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

26The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD: but the words of the pure are pleasant words.

Proverbs 16 (KJV)

3Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.

Note: Commit. lit., roll. Roll your burdens on the Lord; although they may cause you anxiety, they are not to great for Him.

6By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the LORD men depart from evil.

Note: mercy. Loyal love. truth. Faithfulness. purged. lit., atoned for. The atonement for man's sin is the result of God's loyal love and faithfulness. The fear of the Lord motivates a man to turn away from sin when he is tempted.

17The highway of the upright is to depart from evil: he that keepeth his way preserveth his soul.
20He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy is he.

22Understanding is a wellspring of life unto him that hath it: but the instruction of fools is folly.
(calls to mind Proverbs 4:23).

25There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

Proverbs 17:16 (KJV)

16Wherefore is there a price in the hand of a fool to get wisdom, seeing he hath no heart to it?

Note: wherefore = why. hath no heart to it. Better, has no understanding. This picture of a fool trying to buy wisdom is satirical, for wisdom cannot be purchased at any price. Nor is it reveived through some mechanical formula, but only by a proper heart attitude.



Whew! Okay, I have more, but will post them later. :)

CSL: "the devil laughs"

Last night, I was looking over my blog posts, and read this (from here):

"Self-pity is pride in response to trial (I am paraphrasing Mark who was quoting John Piper). On the flip side, boastfulness is pride in response to prosperity."

I know that I can have little pity parties when things aren't going my way; and how I can yearn for prosperity in many different forms. And although I heard this is a sermon LAST YEAR, and the above statement made perfect sense to me ... it makes even more sense to me know. Pride is ugly and it's sinful. And I don't want anything to do with it.

Then this morning, I read the following:

24 March

Dictatorship of Pride

It is a terrible thing that the worse of all vices [Pride] can smuggle itself into the very centre of our religious life. But you can see why. The other, and less bad, vices come from the devil working on us through our animal nature. But this does not come through our animal nature at all. It comes direct from Hell. It is purely spiritual: consequently it is far more subtle and deadly. For the same reason, Pride can often be used to beat down the simpler vices. Teachers, in fact, often appeal to a boy's Pride, or, as they call it, his self-respect, to make him behave decently: many a man has overcome cowardice, or lust, or ill-temper, by learning to think that they are beneath his dignity - that is, by Pride. The devil laughs. He is perfectly content to see you becoming chaste and brave and self-controlled provided, all the time, he is setting up in you the Dictatorship of Pride - just as he would be quite content to see your chilblains cured if he was allowed, in return, to give you cancer. For pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense. (emphasis mine)

- from Mere Christianity

1918 Edward "Paddy" Moore, Lewis's army roommate and friend, is reported missing in action. It is later learned that Paddy had been killed in action on March 21, 1918, resisting the German attack on Pargny, France.

C.S. Lewis, A Year With C.S. Lewis: Daily Reading From His Classic Works, Harper Publishers, 2003.

I read Mere Christianity a few years ago, and it's still so amazing to read the thoughts of such a great mind. And it makes me sad when I see the sin of pride in fellow Christians - makes me sick to see it in myself. The last sentence about pride being spiritual cancer and the effects of that sickness really stuck out to me. I don't want to be wrapped up in it, and I want to help others who seem to be so stuck that they don't see the situation that the are in.

Okay, now I'm tired and gave a migraine, so good night!

*I'm leaving the typos in, even though I realllllllly want to fix them... could that be my pride!??! Eh, I had a bad migraine, and it really doesn't matter. :)*

CSL : How Marriage Reconciles

21 March

How Marriage Reconciles

Lewis, grieving the death of his wife Joy:

'It was too perfect to last,' so I am tempted to say of our marriage. But it can be meant in two ways. It may be grimly pessimistic - as if God no sooner saw two of His creatures happy than He stopped it ('None of that here!). As if He were like the Hostess at the sherry-party who separates two guests the moment they show signs of having got into a real conversation. But it could also mean 'This had reached its proper perfection. This had become what it had in it to be. Therefore of course it would not be prolonged.' As if God said, 'Good; you have mastered that exercise. I am very pleased with it. And now you are ready to go on to the next.' When you have learned to do quadratics and enjoy doing them you will not be set them much longer. The teacher moves you on.

For we did learn and achieve something. There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them. It is arrogance in us to call frankness, fairness, and chivalry 'masculine' when we see them in a woman; it is arrogance in them to describe a man's sensitiveness or tact or tenderness as 'feminine.' But also what poor, warped fragments of humanity most mere men and mere women must be to make the implications of that arrogance plausible. Marriage heals this. Jointly the two become fully human. 'In the image of God created He them.' Thus, by paradox, this carnival of sexuality leads us out beyond our sexes.

- from A Grief Observed

1957 Jack Lewis and Joy Davidman Gresham, united in a civil marriage the previous year, are married in an ecclesiastical ceremony in Wingfield-Morris Hospital by the Rev. Peter Bide. Bide also performs a healing service for Joy, who is believed to be dying of cancer.

C.S. Lewis, A Year With C.S. Lewis: Daily Reading From His Classic Works, Harper Publishers, 2003.

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This really struck me, because of how I often tire of "us verses them" talk. You know the kind. All guys are this way, and all girls are that. It's completely unfair and unconstructive. When I hear this, I just want to say 'we should REJOICE in our differences, not see them as liabilities.' It just seems like a waste of time, and is definitely unedifying. 90% of the time I just keep my mouth shut. So, just thought I'd share this quote. :)

Whoa, that ROE? Yes, that Roe.

I remember reading somewhere about Norma McCorvey (better known as the "Roe" in Roe v. Wade). That she in fact did not have the abortion that started the lawsuit. That she eventually became pro-life. After posting about stem-cell research, I decided to google her. I came upon her website and read her testimony.

First of all, it's pretty powerful. Click here to read it, I highly encourage you to.

Second of all, it reminded me of something I thought about this morning. First, here is an excerpt:

"When I reached Pastor Sheats, I saw Jesus in his eyes. It made me feel so incredibly sorry for all my sins, especially for my role in legalizing abortion. I just kept repeating over and over, "I just want to undo all the evil I've done in this world. I'm so sorry, God. I'm so, so sorry. As far as abortion is concerned, I just want to undo it. I want it all to just go away." Finally, I stopped crying and broke into the biggest smile of my life. I no longer felt the pressure of my sin pushing down on my shoulders. The release was so quick that I felt like I could almost float outside."

I was thinking this morning about swimming. Please hang in there with me, this is relevant! I started to think of what we can learn about God from swimming. About how it could be a glimpse of Heaven. (please, just stick with me here). Being in/under water is the closest we can naturally get to weightlessness. Now I don't think we will be up in Heaven, literally weightless, like you see astronauts in space (although we might be, who knows?). But I quickly thought of it as a weightlessness from sin. That the feeling of sin would be lifted off our shoulders. How it will feel like the weight of 10 Empire State Buildings LITERALLY being lifted off our shoulders! (basically, it's indescribable). How even the most convicted of sinners will be surprised and delighted at the sensation. It's beyond comprehension!

Praise God for the day when all believers will be freed from sin! :)

Thirdly, I was just about to read a post on Desiring God, but hadn't read it yet. I had it open, but decided to look up Roe first. Here is a quote from McCorvey:

"When my conversion became public knowledge, I spoke openly to reporters about still supporting legalized abortion in the first trimester. The media was quick to use this to downplay the seriousness of my conversion, saying I typified the "general ambivalence" of our culture over abortion. But a few weeks after my conversion, I was sitting in O.R.'s offices when I noticed a fetal development poster. The progression was so obvious, the eyes were so sweet. It hurt my heart, just looking at them.

I ran outside and finally, it dawned on me. "Norma," I said to myself, "They're right." I had worked with pregnant women for years. I had been through three pregnancies and deliveries myself. I should have known. Yet something in that poster made me lose my breath. I kept seeing the picture of that tiny, 10-week-old embryo, and I said to myself, that's a baby! It's as if blinders just fell off my eyes and I suddenly understood the truth--that's a baby!"

Here is the post I had ready to read on my monitor, Pray for Blessed Eyes. Here is a quote:

"Do you have “blessed eyes”? The new birth is the gift of “blessed eyes.” This is what Paul was sent to do in the power of Christ: “I am sending you to open their eyes” (Acts 26:18).

And once we have “blessed eyes,” we pray for the fullest use of them every day.

Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law. (Psalms 119:18)"

Praise God for the apparent conversion of this women; the power of her testimony, those she can reach out to, and most importantly - that God is ultimately glorified!

SOMEONE wants me to be a morning person... already...

I'm not a morning person. It's no secret. Also, it's no secret that I feel as though the Lord wants me to wake up early. See here and here for previous posts.

Well, last week I got another jolt. You see, I was getting pretty good about waking up early, then last week it all went downhill. I could blame a resurgence of my migraines, but still... no excuses! Although I still made time for quiet time, I still want to wake up early!

Rewind to last week; last Wednesday specifically. I slept in just about as late as possible to still fit in a quiet time. This is one verse that I read that morning that REALLY got my attention:

Psalm 108:2 (KJV)

Awake, psaltery and harp: I myself will awake early.

(if you have time, read the whole Psalm. It's a short one. As always, I have a link to the whole Psalm above - or hey, go ahead and read all of them! ;) ).

I read that and thought to myself "whoa." That's about it, because I didn't have time to think of anything else! I blame that on me giving myself little time to read, and wanting to read to much. I read 10 Psalms that morning. I was sleepy, but I read them. (note: I'm thinking that if I wasn't so sleepy, I would get so much more out of them - so although I still got my quiet time in, I still need to wake up earlier!).

Last Thursday I woke up at 3 am. That was too early (and sooo not cool), so I went back to sleep. Then I woke up at 5 am. A-hem, as in 5 am CLUB! Still, my lazy flesh convinced me to go back to sleep. Then I woke up at 7 am. Geez! I then slowly got myself ready to have a quiet time.

I started out by reading Morning and Evening (another note: I usually read that days' Morning and Evening before my quiet times. I feel like I'm getting a mini-sermon before I dive into the Word). Although the devotion is about "Christian wakefulness" (not an argument for waking up early, per se), it really caught my eye. The verse for the devotion was:

1 Thessalonians 5:6 (KJV)

Let us not sleep, as do others.

It kinda felt like a slap in the face. A gentle, encouraging one, but still... an attention-getter to be sure! If you would like to read the full devotional, click here.

(just an aside: that morning I read Psalm 119, which consists of 176 verses!).

So, despite the time change (which I'm loving because of the extra hour of sunlight), I will AGAIN try to persevere to wake up early. I bought three Carolyn Mahaney books to start reading in the mornings, too. I'm starting out with Feminine Appeal, then I will follow-up (in no particular order, yet) with Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations Biblical Womanhood and *cough cough* Shopping for Time: How to do It All and NOT Be Overwhelmed.

*Awesome photo courtesy of Google Images/Washington Post, not my camera*

Addendum: Check out what Spurgeon has to say about the latter part of Psalm 108:2:

I myself will awake early. I will call up the dawn. The best and brightest hours of the day shall find me heartily aroused to bless my God. Some singers had need to awake, for they sing in drawling tones, as if they were half asleep; the tune drags wearily along, there is no feeling or sentiment in the singing, but the listener hears only a dull mechanical sound, as if the choir ground out the notes from a worn out barrel organ. Oh, choristers, wake up, for this is not a work for dreamers, but such as requires your best powers in their liveliest condition. In all worship this should be the personal resolve of each worshipper: "I myself will awake."

words matter

No doubt that guy Blagojevich is everywhere. I saw today where he's said something to the affect of - I'll pull out my crayons and write a book about politics in Illinois. And yes, I know he's innocent until proven guilty. But what I want to talk about are our WORDS.

Like it or not, our words matter. There is a reason for Jesus having said, "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No." (Matthew 5:37 (NIV)). Blagojevich's words may have been taken out of context (he voice may have been dripping with sarcasm, perhaps he was rehearsing for a comedy skit..., I digress), but he still said those words. Those words. Words that earned him an impeachment. Words that embarrassed his state. Words that, although I don't believe he's involved in any way, certainly were not helpful to President Obama in the first days of his historic presidency. Every word that comes out of our mouths... matters.

I don't want to harp on this man, but he's setting himself up as a prime example to anyone who is willing to pay attention. No matter if our words are caught by a FBI wiretap, said in the company of trusted friends, or just whispered in our hearts; they matter.

Luke 6:45 (NIV)

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

Leaped for Joy

John Piper does it again: The Baby in My Womb Leaped for Joy. Here is an excerpt:

"So I pray that this message will awaken and intensify your joyful, grateful reverence for the gift of human life from conception to eternity. The beginning of human life is a magnificent thing—it is the only newly originating life in the universe that is in the image of God. It is the only newly originating life in the universe that lasts forever. O what amazed and happy reverence we should feel for the beginning of every human life!"

Scripture:

Luke 1:39-45 (NIV)

Mary Visits Elizabeth

39At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea,
40where she entered Zechariah's home and greeted Elizabeth.
41When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit.
42In a loud voice she exclaimed: "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear!
43But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?
44As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy.
45Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"

Keep in mind, the pregancies of both Mary and Elizabeth were both seen as impossible. Just read the Piper post to learn more about that, and more; such as the author of this book (Luke) recognized these in utero babies as people.

...


I just can't comprehend calling abortion "women's health." It certainly is an attempt to "pretty up" abortion, make it sound compassionate. It's actually offensive to me; as a woman and as a Christian. What many call a mistake, God blesses with as a gift.

slug bug / love bug

No, not this kind, but...

... more like this kind ...




I'm going for laziness, here people! Sloooooooow to act, and such.

Okay, so I had the thought last night about just how difficult it is for me to get up early. It all starts with my being a complete night owl, even though I know that is the result of a complete lack of discipline on my part (blogged about that last year, "Holding On To Today").

It's funny how the Holy Spirit can convict a person, and I'm so grateful for His patience! Because I know that my day would be better if I just woke up early. Quiet time, good breakfast, exercise; all could be done, and what a great way to start my day that would be. Alas, it is difficult for me. And yesterday, after browsing through Girl Talk, I came upon this post "The 5:00 Club", and this quote:

"Waking up late means your quiet time is probably the first to go."

D'oh! Yes, waking up late means that, and yes I do wake up late, but whose fault is that... MINE! Grrrrr!

But it's funny, because I'm reading The Enemy Within, by Kris Lundgaard, and came upon a few MORE gems the other night while discussing it:

"The flesh resists with its last breath anything that smacks of communion with God, because it suffocates in his presence....

The first claw aims at your weakness. When they were under attack and under great danger of temptation, just when they should have been praying, Jesus' disciples were fast asleep. "The spirit is willing, but the body is weak," he said (Matthew 26:41). The spiritual flesh takes advantage of the weakness of the natural flesh (the body). "You can't pray now, you need your rest. If you don't get some sleep, you won't be any use to God." This, in effect, is what Satan hit Jesus with when his body was weakened by forty days of fasting: "You've done enough fasting-you're being downright fanatical. Turn those stones to bread. If you don't eat, you'll die, and then how will you save the world!" (Matthew 4:1-3).

If you don't imbed it in your mind that prayer and meditation are indispensable, and seek God's grace every day to resist the sluggishness of your body, you will hit the snooze button all morning rather than kneel before the throne. And if you snooze, you lose." (emphasis mine)

Yes, please just call me a slug bug. I can be pretty good about waking up in time for a quiet time, but if I get off track just a little bit, then it all goes awry.

It all boils down to how I want to be, which first and foremost means how can my life glorify God. And allowing my lazy flesh to control my quiet times just will not cut it. So I'm praying and trying to be better about this. I'm so glad that God shows me these things, through Scripture, sermons, etc.

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Now on to the love bug...

Oh yeahhhhh... he he!

Complete nerd that I am, my Christmas list consisted mostly of all things C.S. Lewis. Either books by him or about him. One that I received was Jack's Life, by Douglas Gresham. Gresham is Lewis' stepson, and basically summed up The Four Loves for me (I posted some quotes from this book, "With This All Things Are Possible") ... well, at least Lewis' opinion about how the four loves all work together. I'd like to think that this is exactly how Lewis explained this to his stepson:

"Jack [Lewis] believed that one of the failings of the English language is the fact that we have only one word for love. The ancient Greeks used four. Agape was their word for the love of God, which flows through one person to another. This is also called "charity," and it should be the basis of any relationship between people. Then there is their word for the love of friendship, and that is philia. This is the sort of love that one has for a dear friend that makes you like to be with them and spend time doing things together. Third is what the Greeks called storge. Storge is the sort of love you feel for someone who has been a part of your life for a long time, and if they go away, you miss them far more than you ever thought you would. They leave a hole in your emotional life that no one else can fill. Fourth is the love that girls and boys start to be affected by when they grow-up; the Greeks called it eros, and it is also called "romance." Now in today's world people are always rabitting on about "falling in love," and all they mean is a romantic attraction. Romance doesn't last and soon passes away, and if that is all that two people have to base their relationship on, they are in trouble. Jack was determined that the right way to form a relationship was to start with agape, wait a while to see if philia develops, then wait some more to find out if storge is becoming a part of what is happening, and then finally to wait for eros to show up. If all of these things happened, Jack would have considered that he was "in love."

Of course, Lewis did find this love, with Gresham's mother. It's a very sweet and sad story. Two books that chronicle this are: A Grief Observed, by C.S. Lewis (which is on my reading list), and one of the books I'm reading now, which was a surprise Christmas present from my roommate Anne, A Severe Mercy, by Sheldon Vanauken.

So, when I say that I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I really mean it. Sayonara, thanks but no thanks. (what do ya say, I've blogged about that one, too, "Play on Playa/Why I Kissed Dating Goodbye"). I've had enough flattery in my short life to know it for what it truly is - superficial and temporal. My heart is ready, and is being ever readied for much much more.

gumby-like : entrusted with a heart

Just call me Stretchy McStretcherson. Yes, I'm a dork, but I own it.

Anyway, I had a great conversation with my dear friend Abbie last week. Actually it was more of a counseling session. I needed advice about something that, to tell you the truth, I'm still not sure how to handle. She was very encouraging, as she always is, and told me this: 'God is stretching you.'

Yes indeed, God is stretching me; and I mean yowza-stretching me. Not to go into to much detail, but this situation has definitely taken me out of myself. I really have to consider someone else's feelings in such a way --- I don't know --- I am absolutely dumbfounded at the level/many-levels that engulf this situation. And it has nothing to do with me! Although I will say, it is affecting me. I've been praying about that big time.

Another thing Abbie said, which was extra sweet, is that 'God entrusts you with so many people's hearts.' Now, I feel as though He entrusts EVERYONE with EVERYBODY'S hearts, but that statement helped me realize the magnitude of this thing He's entrusted me with. And how I should look at situations with everyone that I know or come in contact with. Entrusted with a heart. Have you ever thought of it that way? Thought of life that way, I mean? That is a beautiful thing.



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Quiet Time.

Almost a month to this day I wrote about my quiet times. In that post, I stated that I will be posting about those more often. Well, in case you haven't noticed, that was the first and only post of that type. I feel as though I have to confess it here on the world-wide-web: my quiet times have taken a hit. Big time. And I could blame it on my moving to a new place, and having been just plain exhausted. But there is no excuse. I have been convicted of my need to read the Word every day, and that just hasn't been happening as regularly as it should be.

So I apologize for that, and will be getting back on track, ASAP!



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Devotionals:
Being a Chooser ~ Philippians 3:20-21 ~ Making Wise Choices

beautifully broken

Have you ever felt absolutely broken? I'm not talking about 'heartbroken' in the teeny-bopper sense; but broken.

I often wonder about this with other Christians, because let me tell you, I've felt as though I've been put through the ringer. As my hometown pastor Paul would say; 'taken to the woodshed.' And maybe it's all because of the life I've led; which to be honest has been full of out-of-control confusion.

Let me explain ...

This is all stemming from something I've noticed in some Christians that has taken me aback. What I've taken as a lack of empathy (and I realize this is just my perception of things - I could be totally wrong)... It seems as though there are just certain situations that can't be comprehended, so they are just swept under the rug. 'Well, I just have no idea what that's like, can we go on to something else, please?' And I just want to scream, 'This is reality! Maybe not to you, but to a lot of people; this is life or death - spiritually speaking - therefore it is a deadly serious matter.'

Be kind: for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle

I just wish there was more 'stepping out of the bubble,' I guess. I mean, I get it, some things are just uncomfortable; I squirm, too. I hear it all over the news; I've been tempted to take cnn.com off of my home screen because of all the horrible things in the news every day. *** (warning; these links are upsetting, but aren't near the worst I could have posted) *** Kidnapping, rape, murder, torture, modern day slavery, stories of children being led into prostitution. It all makes me sick to my stomach. But I don't want to ignore it. I don't want to chalk it up to, 'well, I just couldn't imagine that' or 'that doesn't affect me.' Because it does affect me. And I can't understand how it wouldn't affect others.

And I totally get it; I do have a different perspective from other folks. I really do. And that makes it easier for me to feel more empathetic than uncomfortable. God has blessed me with this gift. It makes me want to delve into the lies that people believe when coming out of a situation of victimization. I'm not excusing the resulting sin; but I want to understand it.

And I want to help. I've posted before about how I want to help, but I still feel at a loss for how to make it happen. I've bought t-shirts, so what, right? Well, here's one thing I'm being more and more convicted to do:

Be more welcoming to new people at my church. Because I can tell you right now, when I first stepped foot in my new church, I was unbelievably broken. Happily broken, but broken still. And it was a struggle to meet people. I know I'm not alone in this; and I truly believe God has shown me this for a reason. So maybe this is my start. I need your prayers in this, because I'm not a naturally outgoing person. But I will be more intentional. And I'm not the only one, I do have friends at my church who feel the same conviction, so please pray for them, too.

I just don't want to leave anyone behind.

Devotionals: Set an Example ~ The Sacrificial Kingdom ~ Pray, then Decide


(below was written back in May; my original 'beautifully broken' post that was never finished or published)





Shallow vs. deep truth; love the 'ugly.'

*************

Thoughts on obvious, public sin and willful sin.

Like the boy who called wolf - when they really need help, will you be there for them?

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If you depend on someone like you're supposed to depend on God... you will drive that person crazy!!! Yes, I have been driven crazy a lot lately...

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"This signature on each soul may be a product of heredity and environment, but that only means that heredity and environment are among the instruments whereby God creates a soul. I am considering not how, but why, He makes each soul unique. If He had no use for all these differences, I do not see why He should have created more souls than one. Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you. The mould in which a key is made would be strange thing, if you had never seen a key: and the key itself a strange thing if you had never seen a lock. Your soul has a curious shape because it is a hollow made to fit a particular swelling in the infinite contours of the Divine substance, or a key to unlock one of the doors in the house with many mansions. For it is not humanity in the abstract that is to be saved, but you- you, the individual reader, John Stubbs or Janet Smith...... Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it- made for it stitch by stitch as a glove is made for a hand." C.S. Lewis - The Problem of Pain.

"I wish to begin again on a daily basis"

I don't want to ever consider myself a 'mature' Christian.

I don't ever want to think that I've learned all there is to know.

I want be continually challenged by You.

Please help me to remain child-like in my faith; in my belief.

I want to be a sponge that is never fully saturated.

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I once found the transcript to Bono's speech given at the National Prayer Breakfast in 2006. I found it quite by accident; but it intrigued me.

Anyway, I saw something I never would have expected out of such a hugely talented and famous rock star - yeah, and I already knew how much he's done for HIV/AIDS in Africa - and about the religious themes in his music (we even deconstructed the lyrics to 'With or Without You' in 8th grade English) - I saw a desire to know God.

So I've spent some time looking up quotes (yes, one of my favorite hobbies, so what?), and felt like pasting them below. I don't know, just a different perspective on Christianity than I am used to; I like to see other people's p.o.v.'s:

................................................................

"If I could put it simply, I would say that I believe there's a force of love and logic in the world, a force of love and logic behind the universe. And I believe in the poetic genius of a creator who would choose to express such unfathomable power as a child born in "straw poverty"; i.e., the story of Christ makes sense to me. ... As an artist, I see the poetry of it. It's so brilliant. That this scale of creation, and the unfathomable universe, should describe itself in such vulnerability, as a child. That is mind-blowing to me. I guess that would make me a Christian. Although I don't use the label, because it is so very hard to live up to. I feel like I'm the worst example of it, so I just kinda keep my mouth shut."

"...this of course is at the heart of the idea of redemption: to begin again. This is at the heart of religious fundamentalism too: to be born again. I wish to begin again on a daily basis. To be born again every day is something that I try to do. And I'm deadly serious about that."

"But with Christ, we have access in a one-to-one relationship, for, as in the Old Testament, it was more one of worship and awe, a vertical relationship. The New Testament, on the other hand, we look across at a Jesus who looks familiar, horizontal. The combination is what makes the Cross."

"It's a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the Universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people, but the thing that keeps me on my knees is the difference between Grace and Karma. You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics - in physical laws - every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the Universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that 'As you reap, so will you sow' stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff"

"I'd be in big trouble if Karma was going to finally be my judge. I'd be in deep _____. It doesn't excuse my mistakes, but I'm holding out for Grace. I'm holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the Cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don't have to depend on my own religiosity."

I love the bit when Christ's asked for his greatest hits and he says, "OK, love God, and love your neighbours as yourself." Christianity is not complicated, that's what it is.

So now — cut to 1980. Irish rock group, who've been through the fire of a certain kind of revival, a Christian-type revival, go to America. Turn on the TV the night you arrive, and there's all these people talking from the Scriptures. But they're quite obviously raving lunatics. Suddenly you go, what's this? And you change the channel. There's another one. You change the channel, and there's another secondhand-car salesman. You think, oh, my God. But their words sound so similar . . . to the words out of our mouths. So what happens? You learn to shut up. You say, whoa, what's this going on? You go oddly still and quiet. If you talk like this around here, people will think you're one of those. And you realize that these are the traders — as in t-r-a-d-e-r-s — in the temple.

One SOURCE - the other was Wikiquote.

Love like He does : without thought for gain

Totally.selfless.Love.

Can you imagine it? Can you picture yourself capable of it? I guess in the end, as fallen beings, we aren't able to achieve this type of love. However, I believe were are to strive for it. Let me try to explain:

Sometimes I have a hard time seeing myself married. I had a near breakdown when I was planning on moving. Lots of circumstances contributed to this, but one thing that made it so hard was this: I'm tired of doing everything alone. And the end I wasn't alone. But it sure felt like I was for a while there, until I reached out for help. But during my emotional-mess, I had the fleeting thought 'if only I had a husband to take care of these piddly details ... do I even need a furniture dolly???'

And it's funny, because when you're younger, you just can't wait to be on your own. To have my own apartment! That always sounded so cool. I remember my Aunt Melanie having an apartment in Little Rock, and was always so excited when I got to spend the night with her.

Fast forward to the present, where I live in a city that I couldn't even begin to afford to live on my own. Funny thing is, I don't really want to anymore. I like having the 'community' of living with other people. I can honestly see myself living where I do now until I get married (a-hem, that all depends on how long I will have to wait on that, I guess, but that is how I see it ... short-term).

But there are times when I just can't see it. Being married to someone. Sharing my LIFE with them. Now don't get me wrong, it's something I'm extremely excited about ... but I just can't see it. Which when you get right down to it, is probably a good thing ... I have no real expectations for what it will be like. In this area, at least for me, the possibilities are endless ...

Marriage and Love. Obviously they go hand in hand. But I don't want to be a selfish with love. I don't want to demand, expect, etc... from someone. I don't want to think of marriage as any gain other than as a blessing bestowed upon me. But I can't help but relax in the knowledge that one day I will, Lord willing, have someone in my life who can help me in things both important and mundane, plus all the in between.

How does one reconcile this? Just another mystery of the heart? Steps toward sanctification? Am I overthinking this? At least I can answer the latter - ABSOLUTELY. Gosh, sometimes I annoy myself.

Anywho, I had a thought pop into my mind last night. I've been dwelling a lot Love. Love for others, offering Love to everyone; especially those whose actions are beyond my comprehension. How does one go about this without somehow seeking something in return? Be it: help, acknowledgement, respect, expected return of feelings of various types under various circumstances?

Then it hit me: Love like He does: without thought for gain. Guess that's all I need to do, hopefully the rest will work itself out.

GROWING PAINS
Even the most painful of contortions can result in true beauty.
Kinda like yoga.

Everything like you and me.
Learn it from Him.

*****

Deep thoughts to ponder: John Piper - Thoughts on Why Everything Exists.

my life feels like one continual line of neutrality

(almost midnight last night; yes, after I wrote the previous post on Trust)

I'm sorry to doubt. I'm sorry to worry. I'm sorry to expect. I'm sorry.

It just gets so old; feeling invisible like this. Just for once I would like to be proven wrong.

I'm tired of being taken for granted. I'm tired of not feeling good enough. I'm tired of being forgettable. I'm tired.

I hate that I get down like this, but I can't see living life - every-single-second - like nothing is ever wrong. That I don't hope. That I don't have any unfulfilled desires. Because I do.

And I feel as though nothing will ever change. My life feels like one continual line of neutrality.

Although I do have something new coming up. I'm moving. In with Christians who are following Jesus, who are walking in the Light, who are living for the Lord. God has blessed me with this opportunity - and really opened my eyes to my need for this.

Baby steps, baby steps, I need to learn more about patience.

*Yep, that lasted about two hours...*

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So, this morning, I read Spurgeon, and it kinda addressed why I was so down last night, Numbers 2:31 - "They shall go hindmost with their standards. But I know the real problem with my "Debbie Downer" moment; I was frustrated with my circumstances. I felt as though there was no way I could get out of them; that I was stuck. And of course, God quickly and gently reminded me that He has provided the way, but I will have to be patient for just a little while longer.

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Also, I just read a devotional, Ephesians 6:18 - I Hate to Burden You, which brought to mind something I wanted to write about a few months ago, but never really went anywhere with. This simple fact: if you are friends with a Christian - even just a co-worker - they more than likely pray for you. Pretty powerful, don't you think? The author has another great post about this, The Power of a Praying Friend.

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Finally, I want to throw a quote in here. It's by Tony Snow, Cancer's Unexpected Blessings:

"God relishes surprise. We want lives of simple, predictable ease—smooth, even trails as far as the eye can see—but God likes to go off-road. He provokes us with twists and turns. He places us in predicaments that seem to defy our endurance and comprehension—and yet don't. By his love and grace, we persevere. The challenges that make our hearts leap and stomachs churn invariably strengthen our faith and grant measures of wisdom and joy we would not experience otherwise."

when my imagination runs wild with possibility

Trust.

Easier said than done, the whole TRUST thing. Now let's go a bit further. Trusting GOD. How would you characterize your trust in God. Seriously, ask yourself this. Do you trust that He exists? Do you trust that He provides? Do you trust in His SOVEREIGNTY? Now, I'm well aware that there may be people who read this who are asking themselves - "She wants me to trust in someone/thing/entity that I can't see, I can't just call up? She must be crazy." Well, I may be crazy, but that is a whole other topic. What I want to write about is trusting God.

I can look back on my life and pinpoint specific instances where I haven't trust God. And I mean SPECIFIC. Word-for-word phrases that have gone through my mind or out of my mouth. I can even take myself back to the 'scene of the crime' in some instances. For example, I can remember sitting poolside, in the Arkansas heat and humidity, having a thought that quite literally changed my life - and not for the better. I'm not going to rehash all of that - it's beside the point. You see, the point is --- I wasn't trusting God.

Anyway, my pastor just finished a series on Job. All 3 of my avid readers ;) will be aware of this, because I've been posting links to the sermons. Well, I understand if you don't have time to listen to each hour long sermon, so I will tell you one of the main things I've taken from it. Job didn't trust God. That was Job's sin. He didn't trust God - he misunderstood Him.

Job, you may ask, of all people? Well, who can blame him, after what he went through? Easy answer here, God can. God, his creator, who made him in His image - yes, He can be angry at Job's mistrust. And guess what? When we, you and I, can't trust in God, it makes Him mad - and rightly so. As fallen beings, we are quick to forget His blessings and focus on our sufferings; which in the end are just as temporal as anything else in this world.

I'm not going to go on much more about Job, I would rather leave it to the professionals. Check out these sermons when you have time, I promise you it will be worth it. Job's Trials, Job's Questions, Job's Friends, and Job's God. Also, I listened to a sermon yesterday, The Surprise - The Message of Ruth, another great sermon on trusting God's plans for you.

So, I've been hyper-aware lately. I have been paying attention to the struggle that other people go through. In believers and non-believers. In drug addicts and alcoholics and the painfully shy and just plain sad people (sometimes temporary, sometimes seemingly permanent), even in television show characters! And the effect of those struggles - sin. Now don't worry, I see it in myself, too. Everyone is affected; this is not mutually exclusive to one's faith (or lack thereof). Mistrust in God leads to struggle. And if you really want to break free of those chains, you must turn to Him.

Now, how am I putting this into action? Goooood question. I had a thought yesterday on the way home from work. When my imagination runs wild with possibility, and I suddenly dismiss it as never-going-to-happen-for-me, as I'm wont to do - I have to remind myself - with God all things are possible. Now does this give me free reign to fantasize about a dream life? It most certainly does not. But I have to be able to trust that God can give me a better life than I could ever dream of (which is an effective way to stop silly daydreaming). He gives me glimpses of it every once in awhile - which I think is His way of telling me 'all in good time.'

(thought of one my way home from work yesterday, written when I got home)

Guarding My Heart

This is the right way to do it:

Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life."

The wrong way? That would be the way I do it.

I have learned a big lesson lately. It's about fear of man. Whoa, sounds a little intimidating, doesn't it? FEAR OF MAN. But it's not just basic fear. It's not being scared of people. It is putting people above God. It is putting my fear of other's reactions above God's will. It is in every way not fearing the Lord as I should.

Fear of God. I think to a non-Christian that must sound like nonsense. Scare tactic. Uneducated masses of people who want an explanation for natural disasters, death, illness, any-bad-thing. But that is not the case. As I understand it, to fear the Lord it to know that His wrath is just. It's to know that I am a sinner, and that I deserve death; total separation from Him and His Love. It is the realization that as a Christian, a believer in the Gospel, I in no way deserve God's Grace, but HE GIVES IT TO ME ANYWAY. Fear of God is healthy. It is not being scared all of the time. It is a reverential treatment of Him; of His Power, Glory, and Grace. Respecting what He has done, is doing, and will be doing for me. Daily and always.

Just thought I'd attempt to clear that up.

So, back to fear of man, and guarding my heart in the wrong way. My preacher is half way done with a 4 part series on Job. In the first sermon, he said two things that struck me.

1. Do you try to live your life to avoid suffering?

2. Fear of man is a waste of time and an insult to God.

These two statements really narrowed in on something specific I have been battling with for years, and have recently been working on - seeking counsel on - praying about earnestly. Relationships... with men. I have come to realize in the past few months that I just don't trust men. I think that all men are the same, and that there aren't any out there that can see past the exterior; and the one's that are out there - the good ones - wouldn't want anything to do with me.

Now, there are things in my past - relationship, etc., where one might think, "well, I don't blame you for being afraid of being hurt." Actually, people have told me that same thing. The thing is, if I am trusting God, really trusting in His Sovereignty, then I have nothing to fear. Not one thing. Even if it is obvious that something bad will happen to me, I have no room for fear. That is how Christians are called to live.

So, thank God! I have a new mindset when it comes to men and marriage. There will be someone for me if God wills it. Everything is possible with God - even there being a man out there who can deal with my insecurities, my weirdness, my past, my mind, my heart. It is possible, and if I keep trying to guard my heart in the wrong way - I may just miss out one what He has in store for me.

Lessons learned my friends, lessons learned.

CHECK OUT THIS COMMENTARY Scroll down to B - God describes His dealing with His disobedient people.

Isaiah 57:10-12 (NIV)

10 You were wearied by all your ways,
but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.'
You found renewal of your strength,
and so you did not faint.

11 "Whom have you so dreaded and feared
that you have been false to me,
and have neither remembered me
nor pondered this in your hearts?
Is it not because I have long been silent
that you do not fear me?

12 I will expose your righteousness and your works,
and they will not benefit you.

Psalm 2:11 (NIV)

Serve the LORD with fear, and rejoice with trembling.

Hebrews 12:28 (NIV)

Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear:

Exodus 20:20 (NIV)

Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning."

Psalm 89:7 (NIV)

In the council of the holy ones God is greatly feared;
he is more awesome than all who surround him.


CHECK OUT THIS BOOK, WE’RE READING IT IN SMALL GROUP