"Now you have a wonderful day, ma'am"

As I was walking to work this morning, I was just about half out of it. I was groggy (still am), and had taken some headache medicine (one of the the reasons I am groggy). So, I was walking along my usual route, not really taking in my surroundings (even though they are awesome; I walk past the U.S. Capitol, Library of Congress, and Supreme Court, it's really beautiful).



I had stopped at a street, waiting to be able to cross, when a man came up to me. I assumed he was going to ask directions (that happens all the time, guess I look like a real 'Washingtonian,' or something), but he said something else. He looked me right in the eyes and said, "now you have a wonderful day, ma'am." He said this as he was walking away backwards, and I said, "thanks, you too!" That was the last thing I was expecting, but what a nice surprise!



So I had the thought as I made my way on to work. That really made me smile, a total stranger telling me to have a wonderful day... but why did it take something like that? Why wasn't I already smiling? Why hadn't I already thought, 'today is going to be a wonderful day"? Gooooood question. I really do wake up every morning, thanking God for another day, but I need to take a step further, and ask for a wonderful day. Now, wouldn't that just be the way to start a morning? Especially for me, being that I'm so NOT a morning person...



*warning: change of subject*



Okay, so I stayed up until 1 am last night (this morning, if you're picky) writing. I wasn't going to post it on a blog, because I just posted one two days ago. I thought that I would wait until next week. Well, now I'm just going to post it. Because I feel like it.



*************



My prayer for you, dear friend, is difficult to convey.

I want happiness for you, overwelming love for you.

And the only real way to have and know these is to believe in Miracles...



It's that missing something, that hole you have been trying to fill.

It's the power that created you, created everything that exists.

It's the pull you feel when things aren't going right.

It's the wall you hit when you are trying to run away...



We all have our own personal demons. It is up to us; either to face them head on, or let them ru(i)n our lives...



So, dear friend, what is your choice? You can keep running in circles, and wonder why nothing ever seems to go right... or you can let Him in. You can let yourself Believe that He is Holy. That events really can occur on this earth that bend the 'laws' of the Universe (laws as we humans define them). You can believe in the seemingly impossible. Then you can go further, and start to live your life according to His Word. If you do this with your whole heart, then the things of this world will not matter any more. Once you have reached this point... then you will know what is truly meaningful...



This is my prayer for you, dear friend. This is my prayer for the whole world...



*************



A prayer for myself.



I need to be absolutely diligent in identifying my own demons. Some are just more obvious than others. Then I need to cast them on God. All of them. Every last one. Even the one's that seem insignificant. Because they are holding me back. And, if you can't tell already, I am tired of worldy excuses; I am so ready to have 'all of that' behind me.



I feel like I've tackled the big ones. At least acknowledged them, physically and emotionally put a stop to them. But there are still those hidden ones. The one's that fool me into thinking I can fix them on my own.



And the reality is; I can't. So I turn to God. I pray to God.



It is an earnest moment. A freeing moment. I have a love/hate relationship with times like this. I hate having to think about them, the roots of my problems. But I love how it feels to dig them up and give them to God. I was not born to bear these heavy burdens alone. And for that I am eternally grateful.

******************

Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

Psalm 55:22 (KJV)

5... "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

I Peter 5:5-11 (KJV)

wrote a blog about it - like to hear it, here it goes

So, as mentioned in a previous post (I am a writing FIEND lately), I got my hair cut yesterday. What I didn't talk about is how I got there. I usually take the metro to Andre Chreky, but when I got on the metro, every one was told to get off the train. Well, being a small-town girl at heart, and someone who gets kinda antsy about metro problems, I decided to cab to my appointment. I got up to Independence, and hailed a cab. I had to run across the street to get into one. He said, 'a girl in shape, that's nice.' Ha! If he only knew...

Anyway, he told me that he was about to call into a radio talk show when I got in the cab. He was RILED UP about someone who was saying that the draft should be re-instated. Whoever was on the radio said that since he pays taxes, then he should be protected from terrorists, no matter what. My cab driver said 'he needs to go over there, and not force ME to go.' He was MAD!

In the middle of this conversation, we were almost side-swiped by a van. He said, 'all I ask for is this lane, can I have this lane?' Too funny. He said he's Sir Lancelot who complains a lot, but that he was still my knight in shining armour, because he would get me to where I needed to go in time. He was really funny!

He got back to talking about war, and said that he was in Vietnam. That the first time he spoke with a Viet Cong, the guy told him that he was on whoever's side sold him the cheapest weapons, for him to defend himself. This guy didn't care about what type of government his country had. He just wanted to survive. The cab driver went on to say that the current war is a game, just like Vietnam was. How he lost his scholarship after coming back from Vietnam, and that no one cared. How the government didn't support returning soldiers, and how everyone 'spit' on them. That the only reason for war is greed. The.only.reason.

By then, we were next to my destination. He said 'thanks for listening to an old soldier, I'm sure you have better things to do.' I said, 'not really.' I got a God bless you, which is always nice, especially from a total stranger, and not expected (I should give more of those).

As I walked in to Andre Chreky (yes, the slightly over-priced, but worth it salon), I had a tug of regret in my heart. Can't really explain it, except that this man's point of view is something I rarely hear, much less think about. Very humbling experience. I love my DC cab-drivers! (well, most of them).

I walked the 2+ miles home. It's days like yesterday where I am grateful to be living in this great city. You just never know what's going to happen once you step outside your front door.

SOS Syndrome

Where I live in DC is an extremely convenient location. I walk to work, to the grocery store, CVS. There are tons of museums within 2 miles of my front door. And if need be, the closest metro stop is a mere half block away. I can get to plenty of restaurants and even my doctor that way.


However, there do come times when I need to go places that aren't metro accessible, or within walking distance. Georgetown being the main place that is difficult to get to. This is when cabs come in mighty handy.


Tonight I went to a Team In Training happy hour. It was at a place called Rosemary's Thyme Bistro. Close to Dupont Circle metro stop, but I didn't want to walk very far in the 97 degree heat (intolerable as put by the local news weather team).


*One of the things I use to justify taking cabs (instead of the bus for example) is that I don't have a car, so I don't pay for gas, insurance, car payment, etc.... so if I have to spend $20 in one nights... so be it. I don't do it very often, so I don't mind spending the money*


We had a good happy hour, a good turn out. Then it was time for me to leave. I got outside and caught a cab who had just filled up at the gas station across the street.


Now, the thing about me and riding in cabs is this; sometimes I'm in the mood to talk, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I can't understand what they're saying, so it doesn't matter anyway. Also, I find that it is a crap shoot, as far as how the ride will go. It can be a nice, clean cab, or kinda stinky. The A/C may be out. They can drive so crazy that I get car sick. The list could go on and on.


Tonight, a gentleman by the name of Leslie drove me home. Born in 1939, he has lived his whole life in DC. We were going along, small talking, 'is it hot enough for you,' is how he started the conversation. All of a sudden, a big Chrysler SUV started cutting people off in traffice, driving erratically. I said something like 'Geez!' Leslie said, 'they think they can drive that way, because of their big Chrysler.' He then proceeds to tell me that whe he first became a cab drive, he would have bad headaches everyday. Tylenol wouldn't help, but Excedrin did. He even got smart and starting taking Excedrin BEFORE the headache would come on. However, he began to wonder why he had these headaches in the first place. He finally realized it was because when another driver was being rude, he would just internalize their negativity (his words). He wouldn't say anything to let off the steam (my words). Then he realized, those guys were going home and sleeping at night, not even thinking of the things that had affected him, and he couldn't sleep because of his headaches and thinking about those rude drivers.


His solution was to look at people like that as having SOS Syndrome. Or, Stuck On Stupid Syndrome. He then was able to not let their negativity affect him anymore. No more headaches or sleepless nights for Leslie!


The rest of my ride home, he told me about angry drivers who would cuss him out, or even follow him. He told me a pretty good story about evading someone. He then told me about how he's had people of his own race threaten him (or course, leaving out the language that isn't suitable for a young lady). 'What the _____ are you looking at _____. I might have blown you away.' Sometimes just because they knew he was a cab driver. Once just because he was watching an attractive woman cross the street, and happened to have glanced at someone who didn't like him looking at him (he assured me that his wife of 30 years is the love of his life- the only one for him, but that if he sees an attractive women, he's gonna look!).


By the time he got to my house, he was still telling me stories, then explained to me why some cab drivers will refuse to drive places. That is against the law and they can be fined $250, just write down their name and licence number (which is displayed). This came up, because he told me about how he picked up a young lady, and when she got in the cab, she started crying. She had just been kicked out of another cab, because he didn't want to take her home, saying she lived in a dangerous area (he told me where she lived, not dangerous at all!). Leslie said he has a wife, daughters, grandaughters and a sister, and that you should watch out for young ladies. He then told me to have a great night, a great life, to keep on smiling, and to keep my sense of humor.


What a sweet man, and what a great experience. I will never forget him or the SOS Syndrome. Will definitely think of that when I ever start to let someone get me down. In a city where conversations tend to lean to the fake side, it was surprising to have that experience in a cab! You just never know when you be be taught a life lesson in such a way. Be on the look out for those times!

30 FLIRTY AND THRIVING

Okay, so I've been 30 for almost 6 months now. I've gotta say, it has been fantastic. And no, there is no sarcasm there. I don't know if it's the getting-older-out-of-my-twenties---Thank God!---please let-the-uncertainties-cease feeling or what, but I feel as though I'm becoming more comfortable in my skin. I want to challenge myself more (hence the marathon, I guess), and really figure out how it is that I will live my life. Who is it I really want to be. I think I may have touched on this before in a blog, not sure. It just feels like it's slowly revealing itself to me, and every new little or big discovery / self-realization I make... just fills me with a kind of peace.


So yeah, that my no have anything to do with turning 30, per se. But it sure is making me LIKE being 30!

Happiness is a decision

Here we go again, night owl Mandi. It's the last night I can do it before going back to DC, so I might as well take advantage (even though I'm exhausted from NYE, but that Boise State/OU game sure did wake me up!).


So, it sure is interesting how much you learn if you just shut up and observe people. NYE was such an interesting experience, very much more than any other. I saw people who were sad to be single, I had a guy follow me around like a puppy for no good reason (well, I guess he THOUGHT there was a good reason, but ha ha, he was wrong), and I guess everything I observed just reinforced my change in perception on relationships. Well, in the past year, I've had little things to point me in the right direction as far as how I need to 'choose' guys, to not get wrapped up in situations which aren't even good enough for me in the first place.


It really is true that the grass is greener on the other side. We are always envious of what other's have, and many of us never take the time to just stop and appreciate what we have. I find that it's a lot easier to feel sorry for the things that go wrong in your life, than to appreciate the things that go right in your life. Seems like human nature, to focus more on the bad than the good. It's all around us, in the media (both in politics and popular culture), everything bad gets the most attention.


So, just read the title of this blog. HAPPINESS IS A DECISION. You know whose fault it is if you dwell on only bad things? Yours. You know whose fault it is if you let people continue to take advantage of you? Yours. Pretty simple, if you ask me. It is just stupid to blame others for what is wrong in your life. You alone have the power to change the things that are bad for you, and to make changes for the better.


I think the solution is to just CHOOSE to be happy. Make the decision, and stick to it. Then follow through with it by make the right choices, to break those bad habits. Just stop it already! That's what I keep telling myself, over and over again. That guy took you for granted, because YOU LET HIM. That friend treated you like crap, because YOU LET HER.


So there you have it, maybe this could be considered a New Years resolution. I've never really done the whole resolution thing, but I think this could possibly be an easy one to follow.

It's the final countdown!

In less than one month I will be 30. That's right, the big three-oh. It's pretty unbelievable. It feels like I'm staring down one of those countdown clocks people put on their MySpace pages.


It's weird how much you learn as you get older. With every year comes more knowledge about yourself; your world view, what is really important in life, what you will put up with, things you need to accept.


The people in your life seem to have to deal with real, grown-up issues. You begin to understand your parents more, they become more like 'real people.' Gone are the days when there weren't many worries, and you almost embrace it.


Because who would want to live their life without any change? When I think back to my early 20's, I wouldn't go back there if you paid me. I think of how insecure I could be, and how much different I am now. I mean basically, I'm the same person, but (I would like to think) I've become a better version of myself.


So even though my parents basically supported me back then, I was really skinny, and there seemed to have been a lot more opportunities to meet single, good guys... okay, that is getting a little depressing... STILL, I'm glad to be leaving the ol' 20's. And I can't wait to see what lies ahead for me in life.


30 is still the new 21, right? Just checking...

There is nothing wrong with being old-fashioned...

I must remember to keep telling myself this. Today's society does not seem to commend this attribute, especially in my age group. Of course I have fought this notion before, the phrase itself- 'old fashioned'- sounds like it equates to fuddy-duddyness.

Back in high school, I was a goody-goody. I never felt the need to rebel. I expected guys to treat me with respect, and they always did. I never ever thought that I gained that respect because of how I lived my life. I was the girl that sang in the choir ensemble, sang at churches, didn't drink, didn't hook up. I never realized that until this exact instant.

Back to when it all changed. After graduting high school, I went off to college. I was on my own, and didn't know what to do with myself. I easily fell into the trap of drinking, partying, just the 'normal' college experience that you see in movies. Can't say I was unhappy, but really can't say I was happy at this time. The guys I met, dated, etc... let's just say there weren't any meaningful relationship during that time for me.

*it's interesting to note that when I started partying so much, I abandoned what used to be a great source of comfort for me- going to church*

Once I graduated from college, I moved to a different city. I kept on partying like a college kid, until I went to grad school. Very boring place, so the partying pretty much stopped. Fast forward to today. I live in a big city, and at first partied like the rest of them. I have come to realize that DC is pretty much like college all over again. Which was a time of my life that I really thought I was past. But really, not much has changed. Even when I stopped going out so much, the guys I meet... I'm not saying are awful, mean people, but just not the kind of guys I want a serious relationship with.

I have thought a lot on why this keeps happening. Yes, I have come to a conclusion:

The way I live my life is the reason I attract bad guys (and by bad guys I mean both actual bad guys, and guys who aren't right (or are bad) for me). My switch from being a good church-going girl to a partying girl has made me unattractive to good guys, and attractive to bad guys. Pretty simple, huh? Yep, a very 'duh' moment.

So what to do about that? The obvious answer is to go to church, yep- get my butt in a pew. Easier said that done, at least for me. Pretty much all of my friends (the one's I hang out with) still like the going-out-bar scene. I feel as though if I quit hanging out with my friends, then I won't have any friends at all! Sounds silly, but it is a real concern.

Now I have always tried to talk myself out of changing (i.e. quit partying, go to church) by rationalizing that plenty of girls who live this way have boyfriends and get married. The way they live their life does not seem to have effected their ability to find someone. But I have come to the realization that this will not work for me, that the whole 'party scene' is not something that I am completely comfortable in--- it's not something that I enjoy a whole lot.

So, it sounds like I have a lot of changing to do. I really want to get started on in soon, because I am tired of not being happy. And I can't help but wonder if there are other girls out there who could use this epiphany of mine...

Wasting My Time

I have decided to quit drinking like I have been. For now, just saying 'I will quit drinking as much' isn't working. I tend to have bad judgement when I drink- I sometimes don't demand the respect I deserve. I do no like the person I become when I'm this way.


So for now, I will just drink on special occassions, with probably a 3 drink maximum. Because I mean really, what will I be missing out on? Going to a bar, where it's always the same ol' thing. It's not like I'm making any lasting relationships with anyone I meet. I just end up being bored, yawning my face off, with a totally un-fun hangover the next day.


What it all boils down to is I want to start becoming the person that I really want to be- to move toward that. There really isn't any excuse not to, nothing to wait on. And I just know that I will be a lot happier if I just do it.


In a way it's like another leap of faith. What am I so scared of? What am I holding on to?
And I don't want anyone to feels as though I think it's a bad thing to do, to drink. I just know that its bad for me, that I need to take a step back from it. Its not like I haven't had great times with friends- hanging out, drinking, talking. Because I have. It's just that right now, in this time of my life, it isn't doing my any good. And I really want to fill my life with only good things.

Have a little faith

There is something to be said about taking that leap. Taking action without knowing the consequences, about making life better for yourself. I've often thought about my decision to go to grad school. I wasn't happy with the job I had in Little Rock, I was applying for jobs like crazy. I got an interview at a museum, and I swear it was my dream job. Well, I didn't get it. So I started researching on how I could make myself employable in a museum. I found that there are masters in museum studies programs, took the GRE, and applied to Baylor University. While going through those processes, I got another job. I actually enjoyed this job, but it was in sales, it was commission only, and just not something I could do long term. I told myself that if I got into Baylor, than it was a sign, and I would go without thinking twice. I remember the day they called to tell me I was in… it was like time stopped. I couldn't believe it! 2 months later I had moved to Waco, Texas. Never having stepped foot in that city, I was living there.


So while I was at Baylor, I had to do an internship. I decided to apply to the Smithsonian, only because there was a small chance my Dad might get a job there, so I could live rent free. I asked my professors for references, and decided on 3 different positions to apply. By the time the applications were due, my Dad took a different job, but I felt that I still needed to apply, because my professors had already sent in my references! So I filled out the application, very poorly I might add. I was supposed to write an essay, and I didn't! Just skipped right over that part. So imagine my surprise when I got a call, The Smithsonian Associates wanted to interview me. I really could not believe it! So they interview me, and offered me the internship the next day. OH.MY.GOSH. It was exactly what I was interested in- educational outreach programming.


Without ever even visiting DC, I was going to live there for 10 weeks! I needed to find a place to stay. My friend had lived there before, and suggested I go to washingtoncitypaper.com. I found an ad for a 5 bedroom all-girl group house, and e-mailed my interest. They replied back that I had to do a conference call with them. Another phone interview! The day after the interview, they called to say they picked me, and I was all set.


So I moved to DC, and boy was I nervous! The girls sounded nice, but I had not even met them, and now I was going to live with them. Luckily, I could not have found a better situation. Everyone was really nice, and I was able to keep in touch with most of them after I moved back to Texas.


Fast forward to 1 ½ years later. I had finished my coursework at Baylor, but had no luck finding a job. That meant moving back home, and continuing the search. I got an e-mail last November from Emily, one of my former roommates who still lived in the house. She was inviting me to a house party, at my old house. I casually mention it to my Mom, and she said she would pay for me to go. How great is she! So I went up for the party, and found out a room would probably be open the next May. Well, when I got home, Emily called to say the room would be available in February, and would I be interested. Um, yeah! I couldn't find a museum job, or any job for that matter in Arkansas, so what better place to look for museum work than Washington, DC! 3 months later, I moved back into the house I had lived in during my internship. How amazing is that?


So, if I had never had the courage to go to grad school, I would have never gotten the internship at the Smithsonian, and never moved to DC. If I had never moved to DC before, I wouldn't be here now. Its funny how that all works out. And even though I haven't found a museum job, I have a great job, where I am gaining amazing experience and contacts, and have a great time! I've met a bunch of nice, good people, and there is always something to do. Although I have to admit, I miss my family and friends immensely. It makes me sad that I'm not around to watch my new baby nephew be a baby/toddler. But I feel like I'm in the right place for now. After 6 months here, it's getting easier for me to realize and accept that.


There are times in life when you have to make choices. Some big, some small, some just plain scary. And when you are trying to make up your mind, you can make yourself miserable. But once you make the decision and act on it, it's like a whole new world opens up for you. I have been truly blessed in life so far, and I have figured out that all it takes is having a little faith… of course in God (who I've come to realize answers prayers in the most mysterious ways), but also in yourself.

Conversations

So I cant sleep right now. As a result, I got to thinking about conversations. My friend Robin and I were talking today about random stuff as usual. And when we talk, we usually end up comparing life to random things. For example- to Monopoly or Uno. We talk of her unhealthy hatred of lotion. Im sure no one else would really get it, but its pretty good stuff, trust me.


So, there are so many types of conversations; good, bad, sad, funny. The other night I was talking to a friend at the bar, we were telling each other just how tired we were. I finally looked at him and said- this is the WORST conversation ever . Eh, it happens, kinda makes me laugh.


I went to a party yesterday, and had many great conversations with some really cool people. Now, I really dont remember all of them, but it was a great time, fun party. Meeting new people, hearing their views on things- profound or mundane, now that is a good time.


And of course those angry conversations. Not such a good time in my book. Drama- really like to avoid it. But sometimes those come up, and they can be a good thing. Not fun, but good.


And then I think about talking to someone who basically knows everything about me, and I pretty much know everything there is to know about him, and every time weak knees. Ahhh, nice Scary, but in a good way.