CSL : How Marriage Reconciles

21 March

How Marriage Reconciles

Lewis, grieving the death of his wife Joy:

'It was too perfect to last,' so I am tempted to say of our marriage. But it can be meant in two ways. It may be grimly pessimistic - as if God no sooner saw two of His creatures happy than He stopped it ('None of that here!). As if He were like the Hostess at the sherry-party who separates two guests the moment they show signs of having got into a real conversation. But it could also mean 'This had reached its proper perfection. This had become what it had in it to be. Therefore of course it would not be prolonged.' As if God said, 'Good; you have mastered that exercise. I am very pleased with it. And now you are ready to go on to the next.' When you have learned to do quadratics and enjoy doing them you will not be set them much longer. The teacher moves you on.

For we did learn and achieve something. There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them. It is arrogance in us to call frankness, fairness, and chivalry 'masculine' when we see them in a woman; it is arrogance in them to describe a man's sensitiveness or tact or tenderness as 'feminine.' But also what poor, warped fragments of humanity most mere men and mere women must be to make the implications of that arrogance plausible. Marriage heals this. Jointly the two become fully human. 'In the image of God created He them.' Thus, by paradox, this carnival of sexuality leads us out beyond our sexes.

- from A Grief Observed

1957 Jack Lewis and Joy Davidman Gresham, united in a civil marriage the previous year, are married in an ecclesiastical ceremony in Wingfield-Morris Hospital by the Rev. Peter Bide. Bide also performs a healing service for Joy, who is believed to be dying of cancer.

C.S. Lewis, A Year With C.S. Lewis: Daily Reading From His Classic Works, Harper Publishers, 2003.

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This really struck me, because of how I often tire of "us verses them" talk. You know the kind. All guys are this way, and all girls are that. It's completely unfair and unconstructive. When I hear this, I just want to say 'we should REJOICE in our differences, not see them as liabilities.' It just seems like a waste of time, and is definitely unedifying. 90% of the time I just keep my mouth shut. So, just thought I'd share this quote. :)