Okay, so this week I've been in sort of a funk. As far as blogging goes, my writing has definitely been affected. I had an idea, wrote it down, but really it ended up being two ideas. I embarked on a 'divide and conquer' strategy last night, but wasn't all that excited about the outcome. Really didn't feel like I should post it today, thought about maybe working on it some more. Then this morning, 2 out of the 3 daily devotional e-mails I received reminded me of why I wrote it… so I guess I should go ahead and post away! (I've typed red astericks next to points in my post that matched up with the devotionals, and put the website links to the devotionals at the end of the post, remember, I wrote this LAST NIGHT, and received the devotionals this morning....).
After another episode in my life where I'm better off with yet another guy being far far away, I've realized some things. No matter how far or how long I got off track,* God was showing me signs, maybe even paving my way back to Him.
There are some little things, one example is how out of all music genres I've always been able to sing gospel better than any other. Speaking of singing, whenever I just have a sip of beer, I lose all ability to sing in tune. Speaking of drinking, going out was okay, but other than meeting a few good friends, nothing good has ever come out of it…
Then there is the thing in which I alluded to in the first paragraph. Yes, it is my complete and utter bad taste in men. Now, I'm not saying that every guy I've dated is terrible. Most are decent men, but none were ever right for me. In face, none ever really knew the real me. I believe this comes from a mixture of what they wanted me to be, and what I allowed myself to reveal to them. Not exactly the formula for a successful relationship.
So no, I have never ever thought I'd marry anyone I've dated. And I'm not so sure that it is just a coincidence that at least 2 of my relationships ended because they moved out of the state. Heck, some ended because I moved out of the state! I believe all of this happened to me because God wasn't happy with how I was choosing to let these people in my life. You see, I promised God much more than that when I asked Him into my heart, to forgive me of my sins…
Here is my conclusion.** The man I end up with will first and foremost have to be a Christian. He will need to put God first in his life. So, if this makes a guy run for the hills… I'll gladly let him go… I'll even throw him a going away party. I've realized that if someone doesn't put God first, then the next in line for that position will be himself. And it is those types of people who blame others for their bad behavior, who won't think twice about doing something that could hurt their partner. Now I realize that this isn't a hard and fast rule, no one is perfect. Still, it's a lot better than my old way of doing things (which was really just a result of me not paying attention).*
To sum it all up, it doesn't matter what I want for my life. As a fallen being, a sinner, I will never be able to get it right if the focus is solely on me. What really matters is what God wants for my life. Anything else, well, that's just a waste of my time.
Romans 5 (KJV)
1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
6 For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.
Dear Lord, I am truly sorry for spending so much time away from you. You have shown me that You were always with me. No matter what I did, I've always yearned for you. I am finally back to where I started some 17 years ago. It pains me to admit that I had to go through a lot to get to that point. I am forever grateful that You never gave up on me. Please help me to continue on this path that You have chosen for me. Thank You for all of Your many blessings. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
* Check out the devotional here: http://talk.thelife.com/blogs/experience/devotionalforwomen/2008/01/31/neglecting-the-little-things-2/comments
** Check out the devotional here: http://www.christianity.com/devotionals/encouragement/11566399/
If you've never noticed in previous blogs, this happens to me VERY often! See here (http://chasingfireworks.blogspot.com/2007/11/blog-post.html) and here (http://chasingfireworks.blogspot.com/2007/12/and-it-just-keeps-happening-god-is.html).
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