Yet another A HA! moment

Okay, so this week I've been in sort of a funk. As far as blogging goes, my writing has definitely been affected. I had an idea, wrote it down, but really it ended up being two ideas. I embarked on a 'divide and conquer' strategy last night, but wasn't all that excited about the outcome. Really didn't feel like I should post it today, thought about maybe working on it some more. Then this morning, 2 out of the 3 daily devotional e-mails I received reminded me of why I wrote it… so I guess I should go ahead and post away! (I've typed red astericks next to points in my post that matched up with the devotionals, and put the website links to the devotionals at the end of the post, remember, I wrote this LAST NIGHT, and received the devotionals this morning....).



After another episode in my life where I'm better off with yet another guy being far far away, I've realized some things. No matter how far or how long I got off track,* God was showing me signs, maybe even paving my way back to Him.


There are some little things, one example is how out of all music genres I've always been able to sing gospel better than any other. Speaking of singing, whenever I just have a sip of beer, I lose all ability to sing in tune. Speaking of drinking, going out was okay, but other than meeting a few good friends, nothing good has ever come out of it…


Then there is the thing in which I alluded to in the first paragraph. Yes, it is my complete and utter bad taste in men. Now, I'm not saying that every guy I've dated is terrible. Most are decent men, but none were ever right for me. In face, none ever really knew the real me. I believe this comes from a mixture of what they wanted me to be, and what I allowed myself to reveal to them. Not exactly the formula for a successful relationship.


So no, I have never ever thought I'd marry anyone I've dated. And I'm not so sure that it is just a coincidence that at least 2 of my relationships ended because they moved out of the state. Heck, some ended because I moved out of the state! I believe all of this happened to me because God wasn't happy with how I was choosing to let these people in my life. You see, I promised God much more than that when I asked Him into my heart, to forgive me of my sins…

Here is my conclusion.** The man I end up with will first and foremost have to be a Christian. He will need to put God first in his life. So, if this makes a guy run for the hills… I'll gladly let him go… I'll even throw him a going away party. I've realized that if someone doesn't put God first, then the next in line for that position will be himself. And it is those types of people who blame others for their bad behavior, who won't think twice about doing something that could hurt their partner. Now I realize that this isn't a hard and fast rule, no one is perfect. Still, it's a lot better than my old way of doing things (which was really just a result of me not paying attention).*


To sum it all up, it doesn't matter what I want for my life. As a fallen being, a sinner, I will never be able to get it right if the focus is solely on me. What really matters is what God wants for my life. Anything else, well, that's just a waste of my time.


Romans 5 (KJV)
1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
6 For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.


Dear Lord, I am truly sorry for spending so much time away from you. You have shown me that You were always with me. No matter what I did, I've always yearned for you. I am finally back to where I started some 17 years ago. It pains me to admit that I had to go through a lot to get to that point. I am forever grateful that You never gave up on me. Please help me to continue on this path that You have chosen for me. Thank You for all of Your many blessings. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.


* Check out the devotional here: http://talk.thelife.com/blogs/experience/devotionalforwomen/2008/01/31/neglecting-the-little-things-2/comments

** Check out the devotional here: http://www.christianity.com/devotionals/encouragement/11566399/


If you've never noticed in previous blogs, this happens to me VERY often! See here (http://chasingfireworks.blogspot.com/2007/11/blog-post.html) and here (http://chasingfireworks.blogspot.com/2007/12/and-it-just-keeps-happening-god-is.html).

"Now you have a wonderful day, ma'am"

As I was walking to work this morning, I was just about half out of it. I was groggy (still am), and had taken some headache medicine (one of the the reasons I am groggy). So, I was walking along my usual route, not really taking in my surroundings (even though they are awesome; I walk past the U.S. Capitol, Library of Congress, and Supreme Court, it's really beautiful).



I had stopped at a street, waiting to be able to cross, when a man came up to me. I assumed he was going to ask directions (that happens all the time, guess I look like a real 'Washingtonian,' or something), but he said something else. He looked me right in the eyes and said, "now you have a wonderful day, ma'am." He said this as he was walking away backwards, and I said, "thanks, you too!" That was the last thing I was expecting, but what a nice surprise!



So I had the thought as I made my way on to work. That really made me smile, a total stranger telling me to have a wonderful day... but why did it take something like that? Why wasn't I already smiling? Why hadn't I already thought, 'today is going to be a wonderful day"? Gooooood question. I really do wake up every morning, thanking God for another day, but I need to take a step further, and ask for a wonderful day. Now, wouldn't that just be the way to start a morning? Especially for me, being that I'm so NOT a morning person...



*warning: change of subject*



Okay, so I stayed up until 1 am last night (this morning, if you're picky) writing. I wasn't going to post it on a blog, because I just posted one two days ago. I thought that I would wait until next week. Well, now I'm just going to post it. Because I feel like it.



*************



My prayer for you, dear friend, is difficult to convey.

I want happiness for you, overwelming love for you.

And the only real way to have and know these is to believe in Miracles...



It's that missing something, that hole you have been trying to fill.

It's the power that created you, created everything that exists.

It's the pull you feel when things aren't going right.

It's the wall you hit when you are trying to run away...



We all have our own personal demons. It is up to us; either to face them head on, or let them ru(i)n our lives...



So, dear friend, what is your choice? You can keep running in circles, and wonder why nothing ever seems to go right... or you can let Him in. You can let yourself Believe that He is Holy. That events really can occur on this earth that bend the 'laws' of the Universe (laws as we humans define them). You can believe in the seemingly impossible. Then you can go further, and start to live your life according to His Word. If you do this with your whole heart, then the things of this world will not matter any more. Once you have reached this point... then you will know what is truly meaningful...



This is my prayer for you, dear friend. This is my prayer for the whole world...



*************



A prayer for myself.



I need to be absolutely diligent in identifying my own demons. Some are just more obvious than others. Then I need to cast them on God. All of them. Every last one. Even the one's that seem insignificant. Because they are holding me back. And, if you can't tell already, I am tired of worldy excuses; I am so ready to have 'all of that' behind me.



I feel like I've tackled the big ones. At least acknowledged them, physically and emotionally put a stop to them. But there are still those hidden ones. The one's that fool me into thinking I can fix them on my own.



And the reality is; I can't. So I turn to God. I pray to God.



It is an earnest moment. A freeing moment. I have a love/hate relationship with times like this. I hate having to think about them, the roots of my problems. But I love how it feels to dig them up and give them to God. I was not born to bear these heavy burdens alone. And for that I am eternally grateful.

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Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

Psalm 55:22 (KJV)

5... "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

I Peter 5:5-11 (KJV)

"If You Can't Say Amen, Say Oh Me"

Growing up, this was a phrase I heard often in church. Brother John would say this when the congregation wasn't being sufficiently stirred during his sermon. And inevitably, my Grandma would reply, "oh me." No, not a whisper or a mumble, but really LOUD. "OH ME!" From the back row, no less. She was also known to meet up with Brother John after church, to tell him what he had gotten wrong, or how he could have done better. She would even have notes for him. I kid you not, he spoke about it during her eulogy 20 years ago. I find it amazing that she had the time to do all of that AND show me how to make a Snoopy out of a cursive D and a chicken out of a cursive S, during church. The ultimate multitasker, I tell ya.

Those events along with ice cream socials (where every flavor of homeade ice cream imaginable would be served on tables in the parking lot), Vacation Bible School (and having our snack behind the church, and rolling down the grass hill, over and over), and Christmas Cantata's (I even remember some of the songs. "Number one, it's just begun, God should be first in your life. Number two's the golden rule, those graven images aren't nice. Number three God's name should be never spoken in jest... I could do all ten, but I'm getting off point). These and other events in my past have molded me into the person I am today. Between my family and my chruch, I learned humility, honesty, the Golden Rule, compassion, and the value of hard work. I have always known that Christmas isn't about gifts or vacation, but the birth of Jesus Christ. That Easter isn't about candy or a bunny, but about the death and resurrection of Him.

I find it as a source of pride that one of our favorite family story's isn't when great uncle so and so made his first million, but that my great uncle Henry was a carpenter who would turn down lucrative building jobs. He would rather stand by his principles than take a job where he might have to turn away from wrong-doing, where his boss may cut corners or cheat people. He knew that nothing was worth defying his principles, not even jobs that would have undoubtably made his life 'easier,' more comfortable. I love it that Henry learned his carpentry skills from his brother Tom, my great grandfather, a builder and part-time Baptist preacher who was know for his rousing sermons.

Yes, I come from a long line of Baptist believers. From the preachers to the deacons (both of my grandfathers were respected deacons), and of course my Mammaw, who could play and sing old hymnals by heart up until she died at 94. You can follow my family's migration from Virginia down to Arkansas with the movement of the Baptist church.

Looking at my background, you may think, 'well duh, it's easy for you to believe the way you do.' Well, guess what? It's not always easy. I have gone through times in my life where my path has veered away from God. I've always come back, but it can be difficult. I don't enjoy being looked down upon, seen by some as idiotic to believe the Gospel. 'A virgin-born Savior? Really Mandi, you believe that?' And I remember hearing at a young age that Christians would be persecuted. I never really believed it, mostly because I had never heard anyone contradict what I had learned. I have found that yes, Christians are persecuted, in big ways and small. I don't want to come across as some victim, because I certainly am not. But it does bruise my ego a bit to be thought of as unintelligent.

Funny thing, I've been going to Bible study lately, and we have been going over I Corinthians. So far it has been about preaching style, and how Paul admonished the Corinthians for praising style over message. My favorite passage is "your faith should not be in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God." I Corinthians 2:5 (more in I Corinthians, especially in 10-16, go read it! Or google it if you don't have a Bible handy). So, as my marathon coach Rich always said, "if it were easy, everyone would do it" (of course he was talking about running a marathon, but I think it applies here, too). Ultimately, I have learned that my relationship and belief in God means more to me than any man (or woman's) opinion.

So no, it's not easy. I think it's easier for some than others, but - as usual - life happens, and you can be tested. I've found that I can be as a petulant child at times, whining to God when things don't go my way. Thankfully those episodes only last about day; not weeks, months, or even years like before. I am finally, finally on my way to where I want to be.

And, of course, as with everything else in my life, I owe it all to God. He saw fit to place me in a loving family. I am grateful for the humility and decency of my ancestors. For the most part, they knew the importance of living a principled life outweighed the benefits they could have felt from ill-gotten gain. That means more and does more for me than any trust fund could ever do.

So, as I hop-skip-and-jump my way along this journey of mine, I'm going to focus more on the Amen's and less on the Oh Me's (I will leave that to the loving memory of my Grandma's comedic timing). I finally understand that my salvation is a gift from God, and my acceptance of that was made easier by my lineage. It is my inheritance, and for that I am extremely grateful.

Dear Lord, I am ready to serve the purpose for which you have made me. Be it by word or by deed, please show me the absolute best way that my life can honor you. Thank you for all the blessings you've bestowed upon me, and forgive me of my sins. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.