breathless

Today, God left me breathless

The only way I can describe it is the He showed me how much HE has changed me. Words cannot describe how amazing this feels.

East to West

Casting Crowns

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning

In Your sea of forgetfulness

The chains of yesterday surround me

I yearn for peace and rest

I don't want to end up

Where You found me

And it echoes in my mind

Keeps me awake tonight

I know You've cast my sins as far

As the East is from the West

And I stand before You now

As though I've never sinned

But today I feel like

I'm just one mistake away

From You leaving me this way

Jesus can You show me

Just how far the East is from the West

Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been

Come rising up in me again

In the arms of Your Mercy I find rest

Cause you know just how far

The East is from the West

From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day the war begins

Endless reminding of my sin

Time and time again

Your Truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in

Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away

From You leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me

Just how far the East is from the West

Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been

Come rising up in me again

In the arms of Your Mercy I find rest

Cause You know just how far the East is from the West

From one scarred hand to the other

I know You've washed me white

Turned my darkness into light

I need Your Peace to get me through

To get me through this night

I can't live by what I feel

But by the Truth Your Word reveals

I'm not holding on to You

But You're holding on to me

You're holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far

The East is from the West

I don't have to see the man I've been

Come rising up in me again

In the arms of Your Mercy I find rest

(The arms of Your Mercy I find rest)

Cause You know just how far the East is from the West

From one scarred hand to the other (x2)

(Just how far, the East is from the West) (x3)

From one scarred hand to the other

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"Have you ever had a gallop on a horse? Think of that; and then take away the heavy noise of the hoofs and the jingle of the harness and imagine instead the almost noiseless padding of the great paws. Then imagine instead of the black or grey or chestnut back of the horse the soft roughness of golden fur, and the mane flying back in the wind. And then imagine you are going about twice as fast as the fastest racehorse. But this is a mount that doesn't need to be guided and never grows tired. He rushes on and on, never missing his footing, never hesitating..."

C.S. Lewis, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe

"Both the children were looking up into the Lion's face as he spoke these words. And all at once (they never knew exactly how it happened) the face seemed to be a sea of tossing gold in which they were floating, and such a sweetness and power rolled about them and over them and entered into them that they felt they had never really been happy or wise or good, or even alive and awake, before. And the memory of that moment stayed with them always, so that as long as they both lived, if they were ever sad or afraid or angry, the thought of all that golden goodness, and the feeling that it was still there, quite close, just around some corner or just behind some door, would come back and make them sure, deep down inside, that all is well."

C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

Quiet Time : Romantic~Forgiveness

(from yesterday's Quiet Time)

Song of Solomon, Chapters 4-6, Honeymoon and Newlyweds

Here are the basic thoughts I had about these chapters:

The honeymoon starts with the husband praising his wife's beauty. Shortly after, she rebuffs him for some reason or other, panics, drama ensues by way of a dream, then they make up. He forgives her, and uses the same praises that he did during the honeymoon to describe her.

I have never been married, but I think I can see where a marriage might turn sour. Reality sets in, there are misunderstandings, and one or both party wants out. The lesson to be learned here (I think), is that the person you marry may seem to change from who(m?) you fell in love with, but as long as you can forgive that person, and remember why you fell in love with them in the first place, then any problem can be overcome. It is beneficial when both parties are Christians, hence the argument to be similarly yoked* (II Corinthians 6:14), because when one has deep knowledge of how much s/he has been forgiven through Christ, it is much easier to forgive others (Matthew 6:14, Matthew 18:21-22). It's important to note that the bride does feel bad for rebuffing her husband, and therefore exhibits a contrite heart. So both parties are intimately involved in this (in a way as a single woman, I just can't comprehend, but can certainly practice when faced with conflict!).

* I've noticed when the term 'yoke' comes into play in the Bible, it's usually depicted as a heavy burden, or sin. Brings to mind a picture of two sinners burdened by their sinful ways, together. Not so romantic, huh? Makes me think of the book, When Sinners Say "I Do" which I haven't read, but the title says it all.

Also, another thought I had while reading these chapters - of all the people to take marital counsel from... Solomon!? At the writing of this poem, he had 140 wives! (Song of Solomon 6:8), and later had at least 1000 wives and concubines (I Kings 11:3). I think this just goes to show how the Bible uses unexpected people as sources of wisdom. Yes, God uses sinners to teach us in the Bible, He has to, because we all have sinned and fallen short! (Romans 3:23). So you see, He really has no alternative in the matter.

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I gotta admit, I was tempted to read my ESV Study Bible's notes on this, and I may still - the imagery is just wild!

a worm and a lesson

So, today I read the following post on Between Two Worlds; David Sunday: Sermons on Hell. This seemed especially timely (Providential?), because of something I observed yesterday...

As I was walking to work yesterday morning, I noticed a stretch of sidewalk almost covered with dead worms. You know, like when they get tricked into coming out of the ground with rain, then get stuck on concrete, and dry up? (I know, gross).

I noticed a worm that was still alive and struggling. I reached down, picked it up, and threw it in the grass. I had the thought that a lot of people would think that is weird and/or gross. But then I had the thought "I'm willing to pick up a worm and throw it in the grass - to potentially save it's life - yet I'm so very timid in sharing the Gospel - which, if God wills it, can save a fellow human being from eternal damnation!"

Here's just a hint from the post linked above:

"...The imagery of the undying worm and the unquenchable fire derives..."

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Check this out:

Tim Challies, on the importance of accountability, in Escaping Anonymity.

Quiet Time : ahh, the romance

My delightful journey of reading the Bible straight through has come to a most abrupt change in theme. I am now reading Song of Solomon. Ahh the passion, the romance, the sheer imagery..
It's a short book, with short chapters, so this morning I read the courtship (and wedding day) section, chapters 1-3.

One thing I noticed is that Christian women are charged not to awaken love TWICE so far. Verses 2:7 and 3:5. Repetition in the Bible usually means that a point is being made. Anything important can't be said enough. Funny how that verse (either one, they are pretty much the same) came to my mind the other day, while I was thinking about patience -click here to read about it.

Song of Solomon 1:17 (KJV)

Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions?

Ryrie: Though the Shulammite longed to meet Solomon, she did not want to chase him as one that turneth aside (better, like a veiled woman; i.e. like a prostitute).

Song of Solomon 1:8 (KJV)

If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherds' tents.

Ryrie: If you want to know where your lover is, join other shephards in the fields.

If you want to find your (Lord Willing) husband, go to church (or be around fellow Christians)! :)

Song of Solomon 2:3 (KJV)

As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

Ryrie: Just as an apple tree would be uncommon, so was finding Solomon.

Song of Solomon 2:12 (KJV)

The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;

Ryrie: turtle = turtledove. Solomon is inviting the Shulammite outside to enjoy a beautiful spring day. Similarly, God invites His people to share the delights of His company (v. 13).

Song of Solomon 2:13 (KJV)

The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.

(green emphasis mine :) )

Quiet Time : Futility and Duty

I have finished reading Ecclesiastes, and started Song of Solomon this morning.

I found Ecclesiastes to seem almost like an extension of Proverbs, probably due to the writing style of Solomon. Of course, the difference is that Ecclesiastes is about the meaningless of life... but it's not a downer, although guess I just made it sound like it is!

I wrote down many verses to post, but didn't get around to it. So here are most of them:

Ecclesiastes 1:10-11 (KJV)

10Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us.
11There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after.

This reminded me about how much we think we are smarter than previous generations.

Ecclesiastes 1:13 (KJV)

Then I saw that wisdom excelleth folly, as far as light excelleth darkness.

Notice the juxtoposition between wisdom/light and folly/darkness. (compare with John 8:12 use of light and dark, with Christ. Also, Job 30:26, when good and evil are defined as light and dark, as in sin - there are many more examples of these... lots of light and dark used in Job).

Ecclesiastes 3:11 (KJV)

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 (KJV). Ryrie: Man may overcome his frustrations over the futility of life by enjoying life and being occupied with God's good gifts.

Ecclesiastes 6:9 (KJV)

Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of the desire: this is also vanity and vexation of spirit.

Ryrie: It is better to enjoy present good than to long for future desires. sight of the eyes. What the eyes see.

Ecclesiastes 7:10 (KJV)

Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not enquire wisely concerning this.

Opposite of what 1:10-11 said, more about being nostalgic than haughty.

Ecclesiastes 8:3-8 (KJV) Ryrie: When we avoid God's plan, we don't fit well in it - aren't blessed - because it is a fixed plan.

Ecclesiastes 8:12 (KJV)

Though a sinner do evil an hundred times, and his days be prolonged, yet surely I know that it shall be well with them that fear God, which fear before him:Ryrie: Believer v. unbeliever. Notice sinner v. those who fear God. Being a Christian doesn't mean that one ceases to be a sinner. It means that one fears God.

Ecclesiastes 9:1 (KJV)

For all this I considered in my heart even to declare all this, that the righteous, and the wise, and their works, are in the hand of God: no man knoweth either love or hatred by all that is before them.

Ryrie: Many events are beyond the control of men. Every possible circumstance can befall man, but whether faced with love (happy circumstances), or hate (unhappy circumstances), God has arranged what will take place in one's life.

Ecclesiastes 11:5 (KJV)

As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all.

Pro-life.

Ecclesiastes 11:10 (KJV)

Therefore remove sorrow from thy heart, and put away evil from thy flesh: for childhood and youth are vanity.

Ecclesiastes 12:11 (KJV)

The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, which are given from one shepherd.

Ryrie: Solomon's words are like goads to prod us and nails to anchor us. The reference to the one shephard confirms the fact that the teaching of Solomon is God-given.

Ecclesiastes 12:12 (KJV)

And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.

Ryrie: A warning against excessive devotion to secular literature.

(Just found that last one interesting... )

But really, here is the conclusion to the book:

Ecclesiastes 12:13 (KJV)

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

CSL : "give this delight perfect expression"

"If it were possible for a created soul fully (I mean, up to the full measure conceivable in a finite being) to "appreciate", that is to love and delight in, the worthiest object of all, and simultaneously at every moment to give this delight perfect expression, then that soul would be in supreme beautitude."

C.S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

at just the right time

Written on 18 April 2009

I was reflecting further on the lyrics to It Is Well:

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate/And hath shed his own blood for my soul.

"Has regarded my helpless estate" really stood out to me, because it's so embodies the truth. Although Christ lived and died on this earth way before I was born, He knew MY sins (the ones that have obviously occurred in the past 32 years) even before time began. In other words, Christ didn't only know the sins that had occurred in/up the time of the cross. He knew all sin. He presently knows all sin (because of the resurrection... He is alive now). And not only did He know of my sin, He knew of all the sin that had happened, and was to come. He felt the full wrath of all that sin on the cross. That is truly amazing.

God isn't bound by time like we are. Unlike us, He has the ability to know what is going to happen before it actually occurs.

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Two days ago (16 April), I read Genesis 2:20-25 with new eyes. When I read that God caused Adam to go into a deep sleep (2:21), I thought - "my husband* is in a deep sleep." Then reading that God made woman (2:22), and brought her to the man, I thought - "God will bring me to my husband. We both must wait on Him."

Yesterday (17 April), a verse from the Song of Solomon came to mind:

Song of Solomon 2:7 (NIV)

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

We as women are not to rush this process, even to the point of trying to "force" God with our impatience. (always remember, you can't force Him!)

I think this all came to mind, because a friend of mine is being pursued by a godly man. When I asked her how I can be praying for her, she simply said for patience. As I've been praying for her, I've been asking that she trust in God's timing. That it may seem as thought it's all about the guy's timing (and in a way it is), but that ultimately it is God's timing. If anything happens, then it will at just the right time.

I'm not sure if that is what she meant, but that is how the prayer turned out. And it's funny, because I turned around and prayed the same for myself! :)

*If it is in God's plan for me to be married, then he is alive and kicking (or sleeping) as I type!

airplane musing ~ moments of clarity

.:this is an attempt at description:.

Two Fridays ago I woke up in a mood. It is a difficult-to-explain-mood, but the only way I could think to describe it was indignant. Who uses that word to describe their mood for the day. I had the specific thought, "I'm going to have an indignant day today." I wasn't even sure if I was using it correctly, but it sure did seem to make sense at the time. And it's not like I have many occassions to use such a word... indignant.

All I could do was pray that God would help me with it, because it was a weird way to feel. And that day turned out to be pretty good, all things considered. But that mood was pervasive; it just wouldn't let up.

It all started to make sense a few days later, when I was greeted with an excruciating migraine. Terrible pain. Incapacitated. But also interesting, because I didn't get too down about it. I didn't cry (too much), and dwell on how awful I felt, how badly my head hurt. I just gave it to God. I told Him that I understand His will, and that it won't last forever. It's odd to type this, but I was peaceful. I had a kind of this-too-shall-pass mentality. (that was a small group prayer request, and I think it was answered!)

Fast forward to the following Thursday. I was headed for the airport, and just couldn't get over the fact that I was still in a weird mood. My roommate drove me to the airport, and it was like I couldn't think of anything to say - and I was annoyed by that.

I arrived at my gate without any real delays, and about the time we were supposed to board, it was announced that there was a mechanical delay, and that it would be 45 minutes until we even had an update. WHAT?!? It really upset me, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it. I just prayed a quick prayer that everything would turn out okay, and that I would get to Arkansas as scheduled. Then not 10 minutes later, they announced we were boarding. (later, my sister-in-law told me that she had my two little nephews pray that the plane wouldn't be delayed, either).

.:it was simply a few days of taking disappointments, and giving them to God - right away, no delay, no over-analyzing - just simply letting go:.

As I waited to board the plane, I had the thought:

How easily I believe the lie that if I'm not blessed in the way that I want to be, then I'm not blessed at all.

While flying into Chicago, the man next to me asked, "is that Lake Michigan"with amazement in his voice. I said yes, it is. The view of it was spectacular; it seems never-ending. As I was flying out of Chicago, I got a beautiful glimpse of the Chicago skyline with the lake behind it, and started to think about expanses. How I don't see views of things like Lake Michigan every day, and how great would it be to SEE EXPANSES MORE OFTEN. To be reminded of the majesty that God created. I don't go outside of a 5-10 block radius most days.

Oh how I wish I could hold on to moments of clarity such as these! God was showing me how big He is. No, how really BIG He is. He is much bigger than any of my thoughts; real or perceived problems... everything. It's funny how head knowledge turns to heart knowledge, and then how heart knowledge becomes deeper knowledge... and on and on and on.

It was on the INDIGNANT DAY that I read Proverbs 31 (NIV). I just couldn't think of anything to write about it. It was really aggravating me. I read three different versions (KJV, NIV, ESV), and just couldn't figure out what my problem was. It's not like I haven't read it before...

I decided to read Proverbs 31 on the plane, and realized why I had such a hard time with it. I coudn't see myself in the Proverbs 31 woman. Even with the comforting note in my ESV Study Bible about Christian women can be dishearted by this; how it is an ideal, and not possible to meet in every way. My mind rested on verse 25:

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

It was then that I realized that God is making me into that woman. THANK YOU.

Two songs that I listened to over and over that day were Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing and Before the Throne of God Above. I was listening to the T4G 2008 music, and crying like a baby! However, one line of lyric from It is Well stuck in my head.

Christ has regarded my helpless estate/and has shed His own blood for my soul

He regards my helpless estate. He knows my helpless estate. He is sovereign over my helpless estate. He died on the cross for my helpless estate. He is amazing.

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Tonight, this verse took on a whole new meaning for me:

I Corinthians 2:9 (NIV)

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"

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I read this on boundless today, and just loved it: Love to Tell.

Excerpt:

"Sometimes, we just don't want to hear about God's love. Sometimes, we don't just want to talk about it. Why do we shy away from this topic?

Perhaps we are afraid of what we'll find: a love that is fuzzy, undiscriminating, and thus meaningless. Or a love that's demanding and impossible to please. Will His pursuit of me will be as conditional, unpredictable and wavering as my love for Him?"

DOUBTING THOMAS

I just read a great post by John Piper, I Will Never Believe. It's a retelling of Thomas, and how he doubted that Christ had risen; basically he had to see it to believe it. It's such a great reminder of God's Sovereignty in context of the unbelief of family and friends.

Quote: "Be patient and gracious with the skeptics in your life. We shouldn’t assume their outward confidence accurately reflects their inward condition. Keep praying for them and share what seems helpful. Keep confidently and humbly following Jesus. And trust his timing. He knows best how and when to reveal himself to them."

Praise God for the work He is doing in the hearts of those He loves! This was a great reminder for me that - all of the sometimes gut-wrenching, yet exhilarating heartwork - He has and is doing in me... of course He is doing for others! And the best thing I can do (besides share the Gospel) is to pray that He does that for those that I love.